Update on Jayden

Well, it’s official… Jayden has the chicken pox. His doctor said that it’s a less contagious form of it (not the typical one) and that it probably won't get any worse than what we see now. He broke out in red bumps all over his arms and legs and some on his face as of yesterday and they may start to "crust" over, but they shouldn't get all filled with fluid like they usually do. He said he could be contagious for the next 5 days… after 5 days he’s not at risk to passing it on to anyone.

If I have Jaxson in the next 5 days then Jayden will not be allowed in the hospital, so now I’m keeping my legs tightly crossed and praying Jaxson stays in until next Monday. Luckily, since I've had it and am immune both Jaxson and I will be just fine. Jaxson will still continue to get the antibodies from me through my breast milk and by then Jayden won't be contagious anyway. However, he can't be at the hospital because of the other mothers and babies, so I'm really hoping that Jaxson doesn't come before Monday the 6th so that Jayden can actually meet him in the hospital.

I was going to have my doctor strip my membranes on Friday at my appointment, but I will have her hold off until my following appointment on Monday the 6th if I make it that far. As much as I am ready to not be pregnant anymore, I really want Jayden to be a part of his birth and not miss it because of this. It just sucks... Of all times for him to get sick, you know? And with the chicken pox nonetheless. Because of the carelessness of another parent from daycare, I'm faced with this possible scenario and it really doesn't sit well with me. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing and it's getting screwed up. Blah.

Now I have to draft up a Plan B for Jayden's care because both of my original options are scared shitless at the fact that my kid is a walking virus and they don't want to watch him...even after the 5 day contagious period is up. I don't have anyone else that can...and everyone else that could already has kids. So, now my only option is for Aaron's mom to watch him during my labor which would mean she'd miss the birth if it was within 5 days because she wouldn't be able to bring him to the hospital...so that really sucks.

So, please....vibes for me that Jaxson stays put for another 5-6 days and that Jayden is able to get this out of his system soon. AND NO MORE SICKNESS FOR MY BOY! Dang kid has had 3 ear infections, mild pneumonia, pink eye, and now chicken pox since late January. He deserves a friggin break. I'm contemplating not leaving him in daycare for a while until all the sickness is gone because next thing I know he's going to come home with ebola... :/ Just kidding, but you get the idea...

This sucks.

Seriously?? :)

Silver lining, silver lining...there is a silver lining.

I have to keep reminding myself because at this point it's become almost comical. I'm seriously at the point where I don't know whether to laugh, cry, scream, or all of the above at the same time. It's like a game of "one step forward, two steps back". Apparently the "baby Buddha belly" isn't doing much for me in the karma department or someone just hasn't had their fill of at least trying to make me miserable with their pranks. April Fools Day is still just over a day away, but I guess the "memo" wasn't received. :) Oh, well...still some progress is being made I suppose.

On the "positive" front... I came into work today at noon after a non-stress test for Jaxson (which he passed beautifully yet again!) and an hour-long massage to find out that all of my FMLA claims had been approved...YAY! Also, I'm pretty sure our little pet rent/apartment charges situation was resolved. I'm still waiting for a follow-up call, but despite being almost positive that we don't owe anything in the first place, I figured I didn't want $20 hanging over my head and threatening renter's history so I cut them a check and told them if they found out that it was a mistake to refund me. It just wasn't worth me stressing over, so I just figured that I'd "take care of it". Also, Jayden didn't fight going to bed tonight which was fabulous! It's been really physically challenging for me to put him to bed because he squirms and presses on the belly which then makes Jax move and I feel like a human punching bag from the inside and out. Then I can't get into a comfortable position in the rocking chair so then my back suffers...and then I have the hardest time lifting my dead-weight sleeping toddler into his crib. I usually come out of his room closer to tears from being so uncomfortable. However, it was an absolute blessing tonight considering Jay's eyes were practically shut by the time I sat in the rocker. No squirming, protesting, or fighting. Just cuddles and sleep... :) And I had half a pint of Ben and Jerry's just waiting for me in the freezer tonight. :)

As for those steps backwards... well, apparently while I was at my doctor's appointment this morning at the hospital someone thought it would be a good idea to hit my car while trying to park theirs...and then run off. I didn't realize the damage until I got home, but now the back end of my driver's side is all scratched up from the wheel well up the side of the back passenger door. Of course, the hospital doesn't have security cameras in the parking garage so I have no proof and although it's just minor paint damage that CAN be fixed that's not the point. I'm doing better with it tonight, but I do have to say that it frustrates me to think that human decency is pretty close to non-existent these days. Not so much as a note on my car saying "Hey I'm really sorry, but I accidentally scraped your car while trying to park. Here's my contact information". Apparently it's just easier to run away with your tail between your legs like a freshly-scolded puppy than to own up and be responsible, honest, and courteous. Again, not the end of the world, but frustrating nonetheless.

Then I get home after work to find out that my poor little Jayden may now have the chicken pox!! It wouldn't surprise me because Jayden's day care provider's grandson (who currently lives with her) apparently had it and us parents were told over a week ago that our kids MAY have been exposed to it. Jayden's arms and legs are now covered in red dots. We've been advised to pull him off the Amoxicillin he's been on for his lingering ear infection in case it's a reaction to that. I find that unlikely though since he's been on the Amoxicillin before with no side effects. Luckily he's been vaccinated for chicken pox so if he does have it, it shouldn't be as bad as it would be had he not been. Aaron is taking him in for a "car visit" tomorrow morning to see if he has it or if it's something else. Yeah, they won't even let him in the clinic for fear that he does have CP, so they are sending a doctor outside to check him out in the parking lot...nice huh? Luckily I am already immune, which is a good thing since non-immune pregnant women are among the most susceptible people to get CP, so I don't have to worry about passing it to Jax in utero, but that doesn't mean he can't get it after he's born from Jayden if he truly does have it. Jax would be the most susceptible from 7 days prior to delivery until 7 days after...basically right around now. So, fingers crossed that it's not chicken pox because I'll probably be pretty devastated if it is and Jax is born in the next week. It will most likely mean that we would have to quarantine Jayden from his little brother...he won't be allowed to go to the hospital to meet his little brother when he's born and he'll have to stay away from home for a while until he's not "contagious". And we will also have to find an alternative for Jayden's care while I'm in labor since the two people who were going to watch him while I was in labor and staying at the hospital both have young kids and won't want Jayden around them. So, please...PLEASE pray that it's not chicken pox or if it is that he will be past the point of being at risk to infect anyone else (Jax or my sister and brother-in-law's kids) by the time I go into labor.

One other thing: more of an annoyance than anything really is that I'm fighting that lovely head cold. Luckily it doesn't look like a sinus infection, but I'm horribly mucousy and I have all that sinus and head pressure. I don't really "feel" sick but I sound awful. So, here's to hoping that clears up soon. I'm completely able to function, but it's one less thing I'd like to worry about. Being in labor and delivering a baby is physically tasking enough and I'm attempting it without medication, so I really don't want to be "sick" on top of it.

Anyway...that's the update so far. I'll keep you posted on Jayden's status after his appointment tomorrow morning and, unless I go into labor, I won't have any Jaxson updates until my next appointment on Friday. I cannot believe it...only about 11 days left until I meet my son (give or take). I'm almost down to single digits!! :)

The Silver Lining

I know it's only been a few hours since my last post, but that's been more than enough time for me to do some thinking and I've come to a conclusion. One of the things I mentioned in my last blog is that I wanted to get back to being the real "me". The real me has a sunny disposition, and my last few posts have not portrayed that in any way...or at least I don't think so. Yes, I've been stressed and I'm uncomfortable and all that, but I don't think that it means I need to be such a "Negative Nancy" so I've decided that if I truly want to get back to being me, I need to look at the bright side of things. I need to start somewhere and sometime...now is just as good as any time and place. Being negative wastes way too much energy and being 9 months pregnant AND chasing after a toddler means you need as much energy as you can get!! I'd much rather save my energy for something better than being a grouch.

So... just a few positive things to start myself off:

1. I have much to be grateful for. I do have a loving husband (despite my disgruntled attitude towards him in my last post), a very handsome little boy whom I cherish every moment with (my current favorite is rocking him to sleep at night where I can just cuddle up next to him with his blanket and stuffed dinosaur), and another equally wonderful little boy on the way who I am so excited to finally meet. I have a roof over my head and at least one of us still has a job in today's economy. I know that there are many people who would love to be in my shoes right now, and I should focus on the things I DO have...not the things I don't or that I wish I had.

2. Just because I don't feel supported doesn't mean I still can't achieve my desired natural birth. One of the key stressors in my books is that my attempt at HypnoBabies is only as successful as I allow myself to make it, and having a positive frame of mind is essential to its success. Not that I would even view myself as a "failure" if I didn't achieve my NCB (let's face it: giving birth to a child, no matter how it's done, is one of life's most amazing experiences ever and I don't see how any woman/mother could ever be disappointed in bringing her child into the world), but I know that it's something I'm extremely passionate about and it would mean so much to me to be able to give my baby the start in life I've envisioned and would be so gratifying to me. ** And I think this was one of my key reasons for being so depressed is that I felt that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the weeks leading up to my son's arrival and that I wouldn't enjoy his birth experience with everything going on right now.**

3. Everything has a way of working out. I'm sure that the apartment situation will be resolved soon, Aaron will eventually find a job, and I also learned at the end of the day that since my benefits administrator knows of my leave and that I've submitted the paperwork and knowing it's an "approved leave" that even if I go into labor now...I'm covered. Phew! Not to mention our house is much more peaceful with one less feline friend around (although I do miss her) and Jayden is recovering nicely from being sick (I think he's starting to pass it to me, but that's besides the point...). So everything will be fine.

4. I won't be pregnant forever. Despite my incessant whining as of late, I should just be grateful that my pregnancy has gone so well and that my baby is healthy. I know of some people who struggle to have kids of their own, lose their children in the womb, or have to bury their babies/children shortly thereafter. I need to count my blessings and know that Jaxson will come soon. 2 weeks, even 3 weeks at most, isn't an eternity even if it feels like one and he will be here before I know it. I truly am grateful that my son is happy and healthy and growing strong. That's what I should focus on. And who knows...maybe he will surprise us and come early anyway! :)

5. People like happy people! No one likes to be around someone who is negative and grumpy all the time. I think that I am a likable person, and I KNOW that people see that...but sometimes I'm so critical of myself that I think people don't. I DO have a few friends, and although it would be great for me to get out and meet other moms and make more friends it's not like I'm a complete loser. I have many people who love me and care about me and I'm truly happy for that and I feel very blessed. Sometimes I guess I just feel that I don't get as much time to myself or to cultivate good lasting friendships, but I can change that. Also, I want people to look at me as a fun person to be around...someone that they enjoy and who can be a beacon of light in a dark place. I want people to feel comfortable and at ease with me... I want to be "approachable". I am that person, and I want to continue to be that person. I don't want people to see me in a negative light because it really is far from the reality of who Shannon is.

There's plenty more, but those were some things that came to my mind. Also a few more little snippets...

First off, I need to apologize to my husband. I know on occasion he reads this blog and I just wanted to say sorry for anything offensive in my original post. Aaron, the whole purpose was NOT to make you feel bad or hurt you despite how I felt at the time. I wasn't purposely trying to be offensive. I think we both know that we can both get carried away when we are angry or have been hurt, and I don't think I have any excuses for the mean-spirited nature of my words. I did need to vent, and I wanted to do it somewhere that felt "safe" to do it. I didn't want to cause drama and get family involved, but I didn't want to hold it in and be angry longer either. This is about as close to a "diary" as I will get, so this is where it landed. I know you are a good person so please don't think that I think less of you. We all have our faults. I've just been frustrated with some things lately and needed to get it off my chest. So, I'm sorry if I hurt you and I want you to know that it was never my intention and that I do love you very much. We just need to keep each other focused and we WILL get through this. God is with us.

Also, I wanted to extend a "thank you" to Brianne Makanani for her kind comment on my last blog. Brianne, I just wanted you to know that I truly appreciate what you said and I completely agree with you... and it made so much sense after I read it. To be completely honest, it was exactly what I needed to hear at just the right time and it meant a lot that you shared that with me. So thank you...very much.

It's been said that every cloud has a silver lining, even if the day is dull and dreary...foggy and rainy. Even when the rain pours, I need to remember that the sun is never far behind and there's always a rainbow at the end. Instead of using my energy to complain about the rain, I need to keep that reminder fresh that there is always a silver lining and that I must seek it.

When it rains, it POURS! :(

Back from my 38 week appointment and gotta say that I'm discouraged. Absolutely no change from last week (still 2cm and 70%), so that was sad to hear. I've already been in a bad mood as it is and I'm under a lot of stress. I'm TRYING to be positive and know that he will come in due time when he's ready but I'm tired. I'm exhausted after working 50 hour work weeks just so I can save my PTO for maternity leave and then coming home just to clean house and take care of our 15 month old son practically by myself while hubby surfs the internet or plays video games. I'm overworked, underpaid, and at the end of my rope... at 9 months pregnant you'd think my hubby would be willing to give me a break and that this kid would decide he wants to come and play with his big brother. NOT!

I'm really upset, mad, pissed, disappointed (you name it) with Aaron right now. He lost his job on the 16th because his company went bankrupt and he's been "supposedly" looking for new jobs, etc. He also had a cell phone through his work so we cancelled his personal one since his work was paying for his other one and there was no need to have two. Well now that he's out of a job, he doesn't have a cell phone and needs one so I can contact him and so that future employers can contact him for interview purposes, so I loaned mine to him. I have the lowest plan possible to save $$ and also because I'm not a big "talker"... so I only have 450 minutes and it's always been more than enough for me. I know millions of people are going to call asking if the baby is here yet, and when he is then people are going to call to check on us or see if they can visit, so I'm anticipating a lot of time on the phone this month and wanted to save my minutes. Well I come to find out that my monthly plan JUST renewed on the 21st and in 4 days he has managed to use 311 out of my 450 minutes to talk to his friend about video games...rough guess, but that's close to an hour and a half a day. I just had to call Verizon and increase my plan to avoid insane over-charges. So, he's done nothing... not one job has been applied for in almost 2 weeks. And he lied to me when he told me 2 weeks ago that he knew how serious this was and that he wasn't going to get sidetracked or procrastinate...I told him I KNEW this would happen and he said it wouldn't. And then he gets angry and starts cussing at me and berating me because I have a valid reason to be mad and he "just doesn't want to hear it" because he knows I'm right! So, I can never vent to him about anything because he makes me feel even worse about it like I have no right to be upset...and then I just cry more. In two weeks all he's managed to do is file for unemployment and food stamps. Hasn't even finished "revamping" his resume yet.

Needless to say I've repossessed my cell phone and I've taken all of his gaming controllers so he can't play any more video games. Our cable TV has been disconnected and since we use the PS3 as our DVD player and he doesn't have the controllers, he can't watch movies either. If I find out he's resorting to playing online computer games, I'll be password-protecting the computer and I won't tell him the password so he'll have no choice but to go to the library to work...and since it's a library he won't have access to any gaming sites so he'll be forced to actually do what he's supposed to. Is it really sad that I feel like I have to act as a "mother" to my 23 year old husband when I don't feel it's my place and don't WANT to? I WANT to trust him and I don't want to nag, but I feel like I can't trust him now and that I have to make him give me "progress reports" so I know he's staying on task. And I HATE that although he apparently thinks I enjoy being a total "witch". He says that he's a "man" and an "adult" and "doesn't need to be policed" but where is the proof? I'm just really hurt by it and he doesn't understand nor does he respond well to criticism.

Not to mention that here I am trying an NCB (natural birth) and now I have no support. My whole family thinks I'm a quack and that I'm going to beg for the drugs so they are no help whatsoever. I was going to look into hiring a doula a couple months ago because I felt totally unsupported by Aaron and my stepmom and I wanted to make sure I had someone to advocate for me, but after talking to them both they reassured me that they would be there to support me and to aid me with NCB so I didn't. Now we cannot afford a doula with him being out of a job and me supporting us as much as I can. However, he said he was going to go through all of my HypnoBabies material (he said the same thing like 20 weeks ago!) and it sat on the table for weeks before I realized he's just blowing smoke up my butt so I put it away... now here I am at 38 weeks pregnant and he hasn't even so much as LOOKED at the books!!! Nothing! And it's only when he knows I'm downright angry with him for something that he even mentions it by saying, "Oh, I WANT to go through the HypnoBabies stuff with you and I promise I'm going to read it..."

So, now I feel like I'm pretty much attempting this NCB all on my own with no support and I'm scared shitless (pardon my language). I have no one. I haven't slept since 3am because I've been so upset with my hubby that I've been crying all morning and couldn't stand the sight of sleeping next to him with his mouth wide open, drooling, and having him smell like he's rolled over in cow poop because I don't know when he last showered. I tried to mask the nasty odor with Oust this morning and now my bedroom just smells like lemon-scented poop.

Then on top of that, Jayden is sick AGAIN! Since late January he's been fighting 2 ear infections, mild pneumonia, and pink eye...and now his daycare provider says he "may" have been exposed to chicken pox. Great. Also, our apartment complex keeps charging us for random crap and even THEY don't know what they are charging us for, but WE have to fix it by next week or it will affect our renter's history. Yet they won't return ANY of my phone calls...and it's been 5 days!Also, we are getting rid of two of our cats because they pee on everything in sight. AND (oh yes, there's more!) I come to find out that my FMLA claims at work were denied because the people in charge of my leave supposedly didn't get the paperwork from my doctor's office 2 weeks ago so now I have to go through the benefits administrator at my work to get my request expedited since I go on leave next Friday (or sooner if Jax comes). They were supposed to approve it yesterday and they still haven't even gotten back to her.

I hate being so negative...really I do. I'm usually not this way, but I'm just so tired of feeling like no one understands, nor do they care to. I really am a happy, peppy person. I can't vent to my husband because he just makes me feel even more like crap and I really don't have that many friends. The "friends" I do have don't even bother to initiate contact or follow-up on any contact I make with them...only lame excuses as to why they are sorry that they can't e-mail or pick up the phone. And especially none with kids who can even come close to relating to where I am with my life. Sadly, I confide in strangers who I will never meet or anyone who happens to run across my blog. I can't talk to my mom or sister about it because I don't want to get them involved in my problems and risk turning my life into a "Jerry Springer" episode...but they are also the closest I have to "best friends". And, because I'm so busy with trying to just keep up with life, I don't even feel like I have time to make new friends...nor would I know where to start. It's all kind of sad really... And I'm sure with the craptastic attitude I've been displaying lately, no one would want to be around me anyway.

I could really just use some encouragement right now. I'm about to snap... I just want to get back to being "me". The happy, smiling, glass-half-full me. If you find her, please let me know... I could use a good dose of cheer!

Randomness on my mind...

Today is just a weird day to say the least... I'm still preggo, still trucking along and anxiously awaiting my appointment tomorrow morning. 38 weeks!! 2 or less (hoping less) to go. I've been having increased Braxton Hicks, which I've been hoping would turn into more conducive contractions...even if it is just FALSE labor. That would be a step up from the wimpy, yet annoying "fake" contractions I've been having. I'm in better spirits about my pregnancy today and even though I'm still at that "miserable" point, I'm doing alright in that department. I've decided that I may ask my OB to strip my membranes tomorrow (I was going to wait until next week) if my cervix is still favorable and she thinks that it's an alright idea. It's not guaranteed to send me into labor (and I'm okay with it if it doesn't), but at least it might help my body progress at a quicker rate. I'm ready to get this ball rolling, KWIM? I'm all about a natural birth with little to no interventions, but one thing I've learned is that I'm not averse to "spurring the horse" if you get my drift. Let's get the show on the road, people!! :) So, expect an update tomorrow after my appointment. :)

Oh, and this is sort of funny/random, but I've been joking that I'm now officially "handicapped". No, I don't believe pregnancy is a handicap, but to understand this I'll have to tell you my story... So, Tuesday I had a NST at the doctor's office and I didn't get to work until about 9:30. Keep in mind I work for a HUGE company and you'd think they have ample parking for their associates, but they don't. I haven't had to park offsite since I was a contractor almost 3 years ago and those offsite places have changed since then so I had no clue where to go. After circling through the entire parking lot numerous times for over a half hour, I finally asked the security guard where to park. He said to try Building 5. Ok, well the main campus consists of Buildings 1-4 spreading out over a good 4 block radius...at least. And then building 5 is separate from the campus on the top of the hill on the other side of the campus where I work (I'm in Building 4 and Building 5 is on the top of the hill 4 blocks away behind Building 1). So, I had to hike from my car (downhill luckily) to work. Then at the end of the day it started pouring rain and I needed to walk to my car. I wasn't expecting such an ordeal so I didn't wear the appropriate shoes for the walk AND the weather. Needless to say I ended up walking 10 minutes across campus and virtually completely uphill with flat shoes on that were completely soaked by the rain (as was the rest of me) by the time I made it to my car. I WAS DYING! Ok, not literally, but if I ever wanted to find a good way to make myself horribly uncomfortable to the point where going through labor was a good trade-off...this was it. So, the security people said I could get a "close proximity" parking pass so I don't have to hike to my car on the days I have appointments. So, now I have a shiny parking pass complete with the little handicap figure to display in my car. Yay for me... and yay for no more uphill hiking at 9 months pregnant. :)

For the "sad" news... we gave up one of our cats for adoption today. In my heart of hearts, I know it "had" to be done, but I still can't help but feel guilty. We've had her for a couple years and she can be really sweet, but a little devil too. She originally belonged to Aaron's friend who unfortunately passed away from colon cancer in August 2007 at the age of 28. For sentimental reasons, Aaron didn't want to get rid of her as he felt he'd made a promise to his friend to care for her and it was the one piece of his friend he still had around. But 3 cats with a baby and another little one on the way has caused us a lot of stress since she's having a hard time getting along with the other cats and she takes her aggression out by urinating on our son's toys and our personal belongings. We've talked to vets about it and tried their suggestions, but to no avail. For the last 2 years it's just been a struggle. Aaron said that she was really scared when he took her to the shelter (which luckily is a no-kill shelter so at least we know she is "safe") and I can't help but feel so horrible...and I wasn't even the one "doing the deed" so to speak. After a while she calmed down and they took her away. I am a huge pet lover and I always break down into tears, pregnant or not, when I see those ASPCA commercials on TV. I'm very compassionate towards animals, so it's hard for me to see her go. It's like giving a child up for adoption...you make a commitment to this pet, and for the longest time I've felt like despite her issues I had an "obligation" to take care of her. After a while I realized that she really does deserve better than the home we have given her and I hope that PAWS is able to place her in another loving home and one that better suits her attitude and personality. I hope that she is not too scared and that she adapts well to her new surroundings...I cannot imagine how she feels right now not knowing where she is, who those people are, and why she was taken from pretty much the only home she's ever known and the "family" (2-legged and 4-legged alike) that she's been around in her 3 short years of life. Not to mention, I feel bad for the other 2 cats we have at home who, no doubt, are confused as to why their "sister" won't ever return.

So, if you could please pray with me and FOR me, I'd be appreciative. Please pray that Penelo's transition will be smooth, that she will be adopted and loved and that her fear will subside soon. I hope she knows that she truly is in a safe place and will be well cared for. Also, pray that the transition for our other furry friends at home will go as well as can be expected. I know that they realize things are different already. And also, please pray for Aaron and I that we will have some peace from this. I know both of us are feeling horribly guilty even though we truly feel that this decision was in the best interest of our cat and our family.

We still are trying to find a loving home for our other feline friend, Laila. She also has some behavioral issues with peeing, but is a very sweet cat. Unfortunately, I think she was abused in a previous home before ours and has been "lashing out" as a result ever since. She's very shy and skittish at first and it has taken her a very long time to completely warm up to us, so I worry about her being put in a new environment again. I just hope that they (whoever "they" turn out to be) are as understanding and patient with her temperament as Aaron and I have been. Luckily, Aaron was approached by a different no-kill shelter who is interested although they don't have an opening quite yet. They are anticipating one soon so hopefully they will contact Aaron again once they do have an opening within the next few weeks. We've sent them pictures and an introduction to our kitty so I hope they love her as much as we have. Please keep her in your thoughts!

Blah. That is all...

Really, that's all I have to say. Today is just a blah day. I'm tired, can't focus at work and even though I do have some things to do, I have absolutely NO desire or motivation to do them. All I want to do is sleep...or go into labor.

Not to mention I'm slightly stressed, feeling overwhelmed and anxious, and (in ways) still feel unprepared...like there's something I'm forgetting or that I need to take care of before Jaxson arrives. I'm ready for him to be here and so is my body, but I don't think it's really sunk in yet that we are going to be having a baby in 2 weeks or less. I don't think I'll really "get it" until I'm in labor, giving birth, or he's here in my arms.

I know all of this is completely normal for this point in pregnancy, but I just hate feeling so drained both physically and emotionally. Plus, it doesn't help that I feel like there's all this stuff cropping up at the last minute...granted it's not as bad as it could be, my mind doesn't see it that way and I tend to blow it out of proportion and freak out. Pregnancy makes you lose your sanity and patience. I'm seriously teetering on the verge...and I'm usually the sensible one! Or at least I tend to think so...

Update on Jayden (did I give one already??): So he is starting to feel better, however the doc believes he does have viral pink eye, but gave us no meds for it since it has to go away on it's own. And then on top of it he still has an ear infection from late January despite me being told like 3 weeks ago that the little amount of fluid he did have left in his ear was going away... NOT!! Now he's on round two of Amoxicillin. And on top of THAT, they want to treat him for his "cough"...it's really not that bad though. So, they ordered us a nebulizer machine for him so he can do breathing treatments with Albuterol. I feel like I'm doping up my kid. We tried it last night and Jayden likes sucking on the little nebulizer thing, but I still feel like he doesn't need the treatment, and Aaron agrees, so we are only going to use it on days where he's especially bad. He's been sleeping much better at night and, since he winds up in bed with us most nights, I'm able to keep track of his breathing and it's normal.

Then on top of all of that, we get a notice from our apartment complex saying we somehow owe them $20...but we've never been late on our rent and we've never been overcharged or undercharged. I've been trying to clear it up to no avail and no one will call me back with answers other than they don't know what the charge is for other than it's connected to our pet rent... We never got a reimbursement for anything, and we've always paid the correct amount included with our rent so they are trying to find out if they screwed up. However, it has to be cleared up by next week...can't clear it up when they don't return my calls.

And, speaking of pets...we are getting rid of two of our cats this week. I have to say I feel slightly guilty, but after putting up with them scratching, peeing, and being unruly for years I just can't do it anymore. I've tried everything I can think of and I've taken all the suggestions from the vets and nothing is working. They can be very sweet, especially one in particular, but when they feel the random need to pee on our carpet and Jayden's toys and scratch holes in the carpet I have to draw the line. Not to mention that one of the cats is evil and will not let Jayden get anywhere near her and she goes out of her way to attack our male cat. I feel the need for simplicity and less stress especially as we get ready to add another family member... So fingers crossed that we can find good homes for them or that there will be a good no-kill shelter to take them. We don't want to see them put down or in abusive homes, but we just cannot deal with the stress anymore.

Well, I'm off to go do some actual work at my job despite the fact that I really don't want to... I can't wait for another weekend. And it's only Tuesday... blah!

Pictures as promised!

Here are some of the pictures from the shower. I'll spare you the boredom of like 20 pictures of me opening gifts, but here are some of the highlights from the decorations to the games and some of Jaxson's presents...

Baby Showers and "Terrible Twos"!

Ok, so I don't have any pictures yet because my dear hubby took control of the computer last night to play some games with his friends and I was too tired to put up a fight after a long day (and I mean LOOOOONG!!!) so I'll have to upload them tonight if the opportunity presents itself. However, I can at least tell you about my baby shower yesterday.

It started off with a jam-packed day. We got home from church around 11 and my party was at 1. Jayden has been sick the past few days with what we thought was just some viral crap going around. Heh... Well, of all days for him to petition against nap-time and scream in hysterics to the point of almost-hyperventilation, of course it was yesterday. Karma, right? So, I was grumpy as all heck because of Jayden's very verbal protests and the fact that I had been so darn busy that I realized I had not yet eaten anything and was covered in toddler snot and pee. I finally told Aaron to take him and that I'd get ready for my party as I was on the verge of tears and discovering even more gray hairs to pluck out of my head.

So, we finally were ready and Jayden had calmed down from his hysterics. We made the decision to bring him to the party hoping that we could finally get him to eat something since he's been so uninterested in eating anything we have at home and that the commotion of the party would poop him out. He did eat pizza and, although he was asleep when I got home from the party (Aaron left early with Jayden), I was told that he again flung himself into hysterical protest mode before dozing off.

Anywho, back at the party we had a great time. Got a huge Costco cake (thank goodness for leftovers...I'll be indulging my desires at home!) with a stork on it and some baby booties. Tons of pizza (I had 4 slices) and LOTS of awesome and generous family and friends to gather around for a special time for Jax and I. We played a few games. One was a "Complete the Nursery Rhyme" game and there was a 3 way tie. We also played the "Baby" game...you know, the one where you can't say "baby" or you get your pin taken away?? Well, it was slightly altered. We all had bracelets with little pacifiers attached and if you said the word "cute" (which many people did---myself included), you lost your bracelet. Also throughout the shower, these little pages of paper were passed around for people to write and draw on that were compiled into a "wish book" for Jaxson (so very lovingly made by my stepmom, Lisa). The green book has Jax's name on the front and then on the inside were these pages from all of our family and friends with the heading, "My wish for you is..." and what they wished for Jaxson. Very cute!

The last game was by far the funniest in my opinion and everyone had a great time with it. Everyone was given some Play-Doh to work with and they had to sculpt what they thought Jax would look like from the Play-Doh. And, as Jaxson's mommy, I was of course the judge. My mom thought it would be hilarious to sculpt just male genitalia since the running joke is that it's the part of Jax that he feels like sharing the most... I seriously have more penis pictures than I can shake a stick at. Good to know my little boy has modesty...ha! Then a lot of them had long legs, and my sister made a really cute one of just his head, but she put amazing detail into it. I had it narrowed down to three, but couldn't decide so I went with the "Eeny Meeny Miny Mo" approach and just picked one. It was my aunt and niece's collaboration of Jaxson as a baseball player complete with cap, bat, and baseball that ended up winning.

After games I opened gifts and I was amazed at the generosity of everyone there. I honestly was just expecting tons of diapers and wipes which I was completely happy with! But, on top of the diapers and wipes we got (which are probably enough to last us for at least the first few months), we also received plenty of bath stuff, blankets, newborn outfits, stuffed animals, a Boppy cover, wrist and foot rattles, picture frames, a cute plaque to hang in the nursery that says "Always Kiss Me Goodnight", scrapbook pages (I'm an avid scrapbooker), and a cool framed scrapbook page that I can put pictures of Jaxson on from my dad and stepmom. I also got a really nice handmade, knitted newborn cap and booties from Aaron's cousin, Noelle, that matches Jaxson's coming home outfit. She made it from the softest alpaca wool and I'm so excited to see Jax in them!

It truly was a great day of celebration for me and our newest baby boy and I feel so blessed to have such kind and thoughtful family and friends.

Also, speaking of Jayden, my other baby boy... Aaron took him to the doctor today because he's been sick and it turns out the poor kid has PINK EYE! Grrr.... and because it's the viral kind and not the bacterial kind, he has to wait it out and let it clear on it's own. No antibiotic eye drops!! So, now we will be washing our hands diligently so we don't get it. And he can't go back to daycare until it's cleared up so luckily my mother in law has come over to help so Aaron can at least get some work done on his job search. Also, while they were at the doctor, it was noticed how "advanced" Jayden is for his age. The doctor said that our lovely little boy has most DEFINITELY entered the "Terrible Twos"...at 15 months old. Great. And it's going to get WORSE when the baby gets here. Even better. So, that explains his hysterics, protests, and temper tantrums where he violently slaps at us, throws anything in sight, and then proceeds to cry and run away from us. Oh, and my other favorite...if you try to pick him up when he doesn't want you to, he turns as loose as a spaghetti noodle and drags himself on the floor. Can't wait for the sibling jealousy to set in!!! So, now we have been prompted to try the approach of ignoring his little fits and letting him cry it out until he stops. And it looks like "time outs" will be starting here too.

Ah, welcome to Toddlerland!! Oh the joys! (note the sarcasm)

It doesn't make me love him any less (he truly is a wonderful, sweet little boy), but I'm definitely going to have my hands full. Good thing I still have a bottle of wine at home...once I'm not incubating other human beings anymore, I will definitely need something at the end of the day. A good foot massage would go nicely with a glass of Zinfandel I think... :)

Well, it's off to lunch I go. I'll share pictures tomorrow with any luck!!

Making SOME progress...

So I had my 37 week checkup at the doctor's office. According to their scale, I gained 2 pounds since last week, but I also had a semi-full bladder from chugging water at the last minute...oops! So, I'm officially up to 188 (which is the weight I was at when I delivered Jayden). I'm pretty sure that puts me up a total of 21 pounds for now.

They started out with the bio-physical profile ultrasound. My fluid levels are within the normal range, his respirations are good, and there's no calcification of the placenta. They had a hard time getting him to move though... he seemed quite cozy. Even the juice they gave me to drink and the little vibrator thing didn't get him moving. Stubborn baby. They finally got the movements they needed after about 45 minutes and sent me on my way for my non-stress test. By this time he was wired, so getting the 10 movements needed was no problem. I had a few small contractions during that time too, but they said all was normal and Jaxson responded beautifully. He got an A+ for the day. :) They didn't estimate his weight like they did last week, but still told me to expect a 6.5-7 pounder.

Then my OB did her exam and she determined that I'm a "tight" 2cm...meaning not quite there, but she could stretch me to a 2. My cervix is softening, and I'm 70% effaced (thinned out). Jaxson is at a -2 or -1 station, so apparently he's actually really far down in my pelvis. Funny because he feels really high... I'm just all baby so I guess I feel him all over. They did confirm that his butt is still right up against my rib cage. I'm still only measuring between 31-32 weeks despite being 37 weeks, so no change from last week. They don't seem horribly concerned since they expect him to be small and since he's "engaged" so far down in my pelvis along with me having a long torso, they said that makes sense. I'm just really tiny this pregnancy!

So, my official progress from last week is: 1cm more dilated and 20% more effaced from last visit. Not bad for one week I guess. I'm increasing my EPO intake to the full 4000mg now. I'll be doing 3000mg orally (morning, noon, night) and then 1000mg vaginally to speed things up. And I'm already drinking 4 cups of my RRL tea a day so I'm well on my way with that. Along with the fact that I do PLENTY of walking, hopefully things will move along steadily. As things get closer, I'll be enlisting Aaron's "help" to get me to progress...not that he will mind. :)

Well, I'm off to get a pedicure with my mom. My aunt can't make it, but it will be nice to have some mother-daughter time. :) I'm getting pampered before my shower tomorrow...so excited! Aaron even offered to give me a full-body massage tonight. Oh, how heavenly that sounds!!!

Also, speaking of baby showers...I was pleasantly surprised yesterday morning by my fellow admins at work. They called a "meeting" at 10 yesterday for what I assumed was a follow-up in regards to the division of tasks during my maternity leave only to be surprised with a "tea party" style mini-baby shower. It was just the four of us, but it was very sweet, simple, and thoughtful. They got me a gift certificate for Wal-Mart (I can stock up on diapers now...yay!) and some newborn pajamas for Jax since the 0-3 month ones won't fit him anytime soon. We had tea and homemade scones with lemon curd jelly (absolutely delicious!) and some lemon-raspberry tea cookies. :) I feel so loved!

Have a good weekend everyone! I'm sure I will have an update sometime early next week with pictures from my shower. :)

...Oh! And welcome to SPRING!! I believe it officially started today or yesterday. NO MORE WINTER!!!

37 weeks! I'm full-term today!

Yes, it's at that point...so close, yet so far away AND SOOOOO ready to be done with it all. I'm so glad to be at that "magic marker" of 37 weeks. I'm full-term and Jax can come at any time! Boy, do I hope he does! I've been increasingly uncomfortable this week and I don't know if it's just physical stress from being very pregnant or also emotionally stressed with all the upheaval this week. Aaron lost his job on Monday because of the company's financial troubles essentially leading them into bankruptcy and now, on top of that, Jayden is sick...AGAIN! Poor kid deserves a break! I mean, he just got over having TWO ear infections AND a mild case of pneumonia that had to be treated with antibiotics. He's a tough kid and is in the best spirits possible, but the last two nights he's woken up crying inconsolably in sheer agony. The look on his face makes me want to cry! That look of total desperation from feeling so horribly miserable that you just don't know what to do...

Anyway, it's been a lack of sleep for all of us the past two days and Jayden has been battling a fever, runny nose, cough, sore throat (he's so hoarse he can barely talk!), and he's been so lethargic. All he wants to do is cuddle and sleep. Getting him to eat is becoming harder, AND he doesn't seem to want liquids as much as I'd like to see him drink. Having this stress knowing that this cold is going to make it's way through our household and I'm 2-3 weeks from giving birth makes me uneasy. Last thing I want is to deal with a sick kid, sick husband, and/or a sick pregnant woman going through labor. Yeah...not fun.

BOTTOM LINE: Dude, if you are a parent and you KNOW darn well your kid is sick... don't pawn him/her off on your daycare provider where they will not get the special attention they will need because of being sick due to there being other kids to watch, where they will not be in an environment that supports them getting healthy quicker, AND where you can subject other people's kids (like MINE!) to coming down with the same crap!!! Aaron has been home with him the last 2 days caring for him while I work so that he's not miserable at daycare and infecting everyone else in the process. I realize it happens all the time, but it sucks.

Anywho, I've just been physically done with this pregnancy too. I'm all baby belly so Jax feels like he's EVERYWHERE! And he's smaller than Jayden was! I feel butts and feet in my ribs, and then I get his head on my cervix. I feel like it's a lose-lose situation. I'm just uncomfortable. My pubic bone feels like it's splitting in half along with my butt-crack and my tailbone is all wonky! I went to the chiropractor yesterday and was in such agony I couldn't even get off the massage table! My chiro took one look at me and could tell something was wrong. I couldn't even move. Needless to say that because my pelvis is widening for baby (which IS a good thing!) that my sacral iliac joints are taking on all the pressure and that's why my lower back and tailbone are hurting so bad. They are inflammed and irritated, so now I need to ice my back as much as possible. He said I've been lucky to make it this far with minimal pain, but I feel like poo. I'm so ready to have this baby here and have my body back to a manageable state. It all just hit me this week. Tired, achy, crampy, sore... blech. AND, despite eating crap food (per doc's orders) to try to get Jax to gain weight, I still haven't gained anything. I lost a pound last week then gained it back this week, so still at ground zero. I've gained 19 pounds to date with 3 weeks or less to go.

I have my 37 week checkup today where I was told to be expected to be at the doctor's office for 2 hours. I have a non-stress test, an ultrasound, and my OB appointment (complete with cervical check). I'm hoping they can see if Jax is gaining any weight and to find out if I've made any cervical changes since last week. I've been having Braxton Hicks every day, 2-3 minutes apart, for hours at a time and the last 2 days they've been really intense and starting to wrap around into my back... I know it all translates to pretty much nothing, but I know that I'd feel much better knowing that my body and baby are making some progress through all my miserable-ness. :)

On a GOOD note (yes I CAN be positive!), my baby/diaper shower is on Sunday and I'm looking forward to seeing all my family and friends. It should be a good time. I get to go out for a pedicure tomorrow with my mom and aunt (my mom's treat...THANK YOU SOOO MUCH MOM!) and I cannot wait to have my feet massaged! So, at least all my stress is accumulating into a good weekend... I get to have pizza and cake on top of it all too!

Well, I should get back to work considering I only have 3.5 hours left before I have to leave for my appointment and I have mail and meeting minutes calling my name. TGIF!!!

Stick a fork in me!

... I'm DONE! Ok, I totally hate to be a "Debbie downer", but after last night I am soooo ready to NOT be pregnant anymore! I still have 3 weeks left and even though it's been an uneventful, relatively easy pregnancy, I just feel like I've had enough. Yes, Jaxson is smaller than Jayden was and physically the pregnancy has been great, but trying to care for a 15 month old on top of feeling like I'm being inflated to Goodyear Blimp proportions has made this pregnancy challenging...emotionally and physically. Rocking my son to sleep and putting him in his crib is extremely difficult, not to mention I lug him around all the time and I do the majority of the work with him. I'm just exhausted.

Plus, Jaxson is sooooo high! I seriously am carrying him in my boobs. Ok, not really, but he's really high and I'm tired of having his butt and legs firmly attached to my lungs and rib cage. I carried Jayden really low, and even though he used my bladder as a trampoline I'm telling you I'd MUCH rather have that scenario than how I feel right now. I can't breathe, I can't eat and my whole belly just aches. Not to mention it's just awkward feeling body parts pressing up against bones... Ugh, why won't he just DROP already??? This kid is a stubborn little procrastinator...and I wish he'd just get his butt in gear and out of my ribs!! Send dropping/engaging vibes my way.... PLEASE!!!! I'm begging you!!! I'm very thankful all is well with him and that he's head down, but I need some kind of relief. I'm on the border of losing all sanity and going into a permanent state of desperation. Blech...

On a side note, Aaron got an IM from his ex-boss last night. Apparently, a company based out of San Francisco bought out Aaron's old company (for those of you not on the "up and up"--- Aaron lost his job on Monday because the company was basically repoed by the bank because they owed a massive amount of $$ that they couldn't pay). Some representatives from the company that bought them wanted to have a "meeting" with the Account Management department today at 9AM to "talk" about something. Not sure what exactly, but maybe something good will come from it. We aren't holding our breath and IF it had something to do with a job continuation offer, Aaron and I have already agreed that we would NOT move to San Fran if that was part of the deal... so it may be a moot point. Anyway, just an interesting turn of events so it will be nice to know what this whole meeting was all about.

I'll keep you posted.

NST, Contractions, and Leaking...

Oh the joys of pregnancy!!

I had a non-stress test today for baby Jaxson, and given the lovely news of Aaron's now non-existent company going belly up and BOTH of us being out of work (albeit temporarily), I joked with the nurses that it should be me that they should perform the NST on instead of the baby! :) I can feel the gray hairs growing in...ha!

Anyway, everything went well. He was particularly active this time so getting him to move 10 times wasn't even an issue. In fact, he's still kickboxing as we speak. My cervix is growing tired of being a punching bag...and my ribs are definitely sore because my future soccer player is proving he can "bend it like Beckham". Ugh. However, 10 minutes or so into my NST I started having Braxton Hicks every 2-3 minutes. The highest they peaked on their chart was like a 35, so they are mild, but definitely there. And I'm still having them consistently even though they have slowed down. I'm also feeling more pressure, so I'm sure they will be checking me again on Friday to see if the contrax are actually changing my cervix. They offered to check today, but I declined. Once a week of having someone dig around in my crotch is enough...and I highly doubt it will make him come any sooner.

I asked them about the FFN test, but my OB was in surgery today and so I only spoke with the nurse who told me what the test was. It doesn't sound like they will need to give the test to me as they don't tend to care if and when I go into labor at this point and I don't have a history of pre-term labor. So, just waiting on him to arrive I guess...

Also, in other random pregnancy related news, I've noticed that my boobs have been really tender lately and I've been experiencing the known-all-too-well pinching from being engorged or having clogged milk ducts (I got mastitis frequently with Jayden) and it bugged me so I squeezed down because the pressure felt helpful...and I started leaking! I never had this with Jayden before he was born! I don't think it means anything really, but I just found it odd. Maybe things are closer than I think...my body sure is preparing for something really soon! I'm definitely ready for him to come. I'm tired and my body is going all wonky on me these days. Blech!

Come out Jaxson!!

Wow! Talk about a bomb being dropped...

URGENT request for prayer on my family's behalf... I just called my husband because my good friend e-mailed me saying that she heard from her boyfriend (whose best friend works with my husband and got him the job there) that the company they work for went under. I thought I'd call to ask him about it and to let him know I finally got in touch with his mom... and the rumors are true.

My husband is now officially out of a job.

...And I'm 3 weeks away from having a baby. Great. I go on maternity leave in 2 weeks, we have a 15 month old at home, and I have no way to pay our rent because I pay daycare for our son. Plus with me being on leave, I'm only eligible for 60% of my pay for 6 weeks and then I have to use my PTO.

I'm trying to stay calm and realize that this obviously was in God's plan for our family, although I do not understand why. I also realize that many families are in similar situations like ours and I should be grateful for everything I have, but that doesn't mean that I'm not frightened knowing that I have no idea where we are going to end up. Please pray for peace of mind and strength for us...and that my husband will have the good fortune to be able to find a new job soon. I know God will provide and we need him now more than ever with a young child and another baby due to grace our family in just a few short weeks. I'd be forever indebted...

Thank you!

Almost ready!

So, this weekend was the last of my really productive weekends...and I feel great! I got everything done on my pre-Jaxson "Mommy To Do" list except for packing the hospital bag for Aaron and I. Most of the stuff is packed, but we still have a bunch of last-minute items that we'll have to grab, but other than that we are all ready for Jaxson to arrive.

I put up most of the pictures over the weekend and I'll finish tonight now that my final collage is done. We also rearranged the furniture in our house and moved the computer out of Jayden's room, so now his room is strictly his...all of his toys are in there as well as our new rocker (YAY! So nice to have one where the bottom isn't broken out!) and some of Jaxson's toys that Jayden used to use like the swing, jumperoo, playmat, etc. Our house looks so much more roomy and cozy now! It's amazing how much it changes just by putting pictures on the wall and moving around some furniture. Ah, I feel so accomplished!

Aaron and I also went out and bought some "newborn" outfits since most of what we have for Jaxson starts at 0-3 months. We didn't have a ton of newborn stuff with Jayden, but luckily he didn't need it for long and we figured that would be the same scenario with Jaxson. Now with hearing the new news of him being small, and us being urged to buy newborn and preemie clothes, we decided to go and get him some things. I couldn't bring myself to buy preemie stuff because it said "up to 5 pounds" on the sign at Babies R Us, not to mention that when I looked at it I found it extremely hard to fathom that I would be giving birth to a child who would possibly fit into something small enough to put on a baby doll... :( I may have to break down and buy just a couple outfits in case. Then we can see what he really fits into and find out if we need to get a bunch of preemie stuff or if the newborn stuff will suffice.

Other than that we didn't do a ton of stuff this weekend, but Aaron and I both feel so good (and so much more prepared!!) knowing that practically everything is ready for Jax's arrival. I feel so much less stressed and I'm just really looking forward to meeting my new son without worrying about having a mental checklist of things I need to finish. I also have my baby/diaper shower this weekend so that will be nice... I haven't bought any diapers yet for him, but I do have wipes at home. So, if Jax does come early, I hope he waits another week!!

I have an appointment tomorrow for a non-stress test which I'm sure that Jaxson will pass with flying colors and then I have a follow-up on Friday with another NST, an ultrasound, and then my regular doctor's appointment for 37 weeks. My friend, Diandra, brought up a good idea of requesting a test called the FFN test that is supposed to determine whether or not the baby will be born in a 2 week period. I'm not sure if my doctor will find it necessary for me to do it since I don't have a history of pre-term labor so far, but given the issues I am having with Jaxson it might be nice to know if he at least has another 2 weeks to cook and gain weight. So, I'm going to ask them about that test tomorrow when I have my NST. I've also been diligent about continuing with my Red Raspberry Leaf Tea (4 cups a day now!) and I've started Evening Primrose Oil capsules. I took 1000mg daily over the weekend but I'm bumping up to 2000mg today and should be at 4000mg by Friday or Saturday once I hit 37 weeks. It won't jump start labor, but it will help my cervix to be more "favorable" and thus (hopefully) increase my chances at a natural birth and decrease the necessity for any interventions including an induction. Hopefully Jax is stable enough despite being small that they won't see any medical need to induce.

I'll keep you all posted!!

Maternity and Family Pictures

I got our maternity and family pictures e-mailed to me last night, but was too tired and lazy to upload them until today. Here they are for your viewing pleasure. :) These were taken last Saturday at 35 weeks pregnant. They turned out pretty good... Oh, and please excuse my stretch marks. I tried to hide them the best I could... :)

Update on our LITTLE guy...

It's been an insanely busy day...

We had our ultrasound this morning and we got the news we pretty much expected: he's okay, but just really small for his gestational age. Fluid levels are fine, there's no calcification of the placenta, his respiration/lungs are fine, and no immediate indicators of IUGR. I was expecting them to say he's small, but I have to say that I was surprised at how small they actually said he was. I'm exactly 36 weeks today and he's measuring at approximately 5 pounds and 6 ounces currently. That means that he's in the 15th percentile for his GA. They said because he's so small that they want to do additional monitoring until he's born just to keep track. They couldn't say what GA he was measuring at, but based off of the measurements I did happen to catch, I'd say he's measuring about 3 weeks behind at 33 weeks. We were told to expect a 6.5-7 pound baby! They told us it would be wise to buy preemie clothes! I think I'm still in shock because I'm so used to Jayden, who was 8.5 pounds and 20 inches at birth and who is STILL a big kid (99th percentile), that I don't know what to do and what to expect with such a tiny baby. I'm really relieved that he's healthy and happy and there's no physical indication he's in any stress whatsoever, but I'm just shocked that I will be leaving with this tiny little boy! They said they'd be happy if I could get him to gain another pound before delivery.

So, my orders are to indulge myself. If I want a milkshake, chocolate, anything fatty... don't hesitate. I can pig out if I want. I've only gained 19 pounds to date despite my affinity for carbs and chocolate this pregnancy. They said I should try to get more protein to fatten him up as well. Also, instead of going to weekly appointments as I was supposed to, I will now be there twice a week. I go in for 2 non-stress tests a week, as well as an ultrasound/bio-physical profile and doctor's appointment once a week.

They have said that if I go into labor on my own at this point that they will not do anything to stop it, so we are officially on "baby watch" as he can come at any time. If for some reason things do change with Jaxson's progress and they feel he would be better cared for on the outside, then there is the possibility of being induced, however they've made it clear that they do not see a need to induce before 39 weeks and they'd rather stay out of it and let me go on my own as long as it's a feasible option for the baby. They will be doing cervical checks to see my dilation and effacement on a weekly basis as well.

So, you will be seeing more updates from me on little Jaxson...and who knows, maybe a birth announcement will be closer than we think. They didn't say that he will be early, however I should anticipate that it's likely he'll come before my due date. All in all...it wasn't bad news per se, as he's doing exceptionally well despite his small stature, but they just want to take proper precautions because of his smaller size.

Grow baby....grow!!

28 days and 9cm to go!

Ok, so I had a doctor's appointment today. Pretty much everything was standard, run of the mill routine. I had the GBS test done (I should have the results at next week's visit), submitted my FMLA paperwork to my doctor to sign, and did all the normal OB appointment rituals. Pee in a cup? Check. Weight...check. I'm up another pound in 2 weeks, so I'm officially at around 19 pounds total. They checked blood pressure and Jax's heart rate... both were normal. I told them I've been having increased Braxton Hicks lately and they've been pretty intense, so I had them do a cervical check while they were at it. I was already undressed anyway, so why not?? Turns out I'm 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. Not that it really translates to anything since I could be that way for weeks without progress, but it's nice to see that I'm making some progress at 36 weeks. At this point in my pregnancy with Jayden, I wasn't even close to dilating or effacing so apparently my body remembers the drill. :)

Then they measured my belly and I was told I'm only measuring at 31-32 weeks...not 36. I always measured behind with Jayden too (usually by about 2 weeks) because I'm tall and I have a long torso, so that's pretty typical. However, I wasn't expecting to measure THAT far behind, given that at my 34 week appointment I was measuring at 32-33 weeks. So I haven't grown in 2 weeks. I'm taking the stance that I'm just tall carrying a smaller baby than last time (Jayden was 8.5 pounds and 20 inches), however they told me that they want me in for an ultrasound before my next visit on the 20th, so they had an opening for tomorrow morning and I took it. They just want to rule out anything like IUGR and fluid levels, so wish us luck tomorrow! I know my little man is doing okay movement wise...he's been an active little booger today, but I hope that he's growing appropriately.

Keep us in your thoughts if you can and I'll update on our progress after the ultrasound!!

Beautiful day...

Nothing of any huge significance, but I wanted to point out how beautiful of a day it is here today. Technically we still have another week or so until spring "officially" starts, but it's always uplifting to see the sun shining and actually producing some warmth! It makes me all happy! It's another reminder that Jaxson's birth is getting even closer since he will be a spring baby. I cannot wait to meet him. I don't mind being pregnant at all, though it will be nice to be able to breathe normally and to not have my rib cage squished by a baby butt, however I think that I'm just so excited and anxious to meet this little guy that the wait is killing me! It's like a kid waiting for Santa on Christmas! I want to open my little present now! :) I am really interested to see if Jax looks anything like his 3D pictures and to see if he looks like his big brother. I'm also really excited to see how Jayden reacts to seeing "his baby" on the outside. I'm not sure if he'll be able to put two and two together, but Jayden is such a sweet and gentle little boy, not to mention how loving and doting he is...so I'm just excited to see the love and happiness he displays towards his baby brother. That makes the wait even harder and seem even longer. Aaron seems to think that he will come a week or two early, but I'm not sure I'm convinced. I'd be happy if he came slightly early, but he seems to be a stubborn/lazy baby who is completely content to be where he is with no indication of WANTING to move. However, even though I had a strong feeling Jayden would be late because he was the first baby, his movements and activity could have convinced me otherwise. Jay was a mover, on-the-go, and busy...still is. I felt like all I had to do was sneeze and I'd push him out. He came 4 days late, so there ya go. Jax could surprise me and decide he does want to join the party early after all...despite his so-far nonchalant nature.

Anywho, I just got back from my massage appointment an hour ago and I'm feeling really relaxed. Couple that with the beautiful weather and I'm just a happy gal today. Not to mention I leave for my OB appointment in an hour. I'll get to see if I'm making any dilation/effacement progress (not that I expect to) as well as do the GBS test. Then it's off to Michaels so I can get stuff for the picture collages of our family that I've been working on this week. I've gotten 3 out of 6 done which I'm very proud of. My house needs a personal touch!

Well, I hope everyone has a great Thursday...and if you are in Seattle please enjoy the sunshine! It's a great thing to see after the random snows we've been having!

Over the weekend...

Not much that is new or exciting to report but it was a very productive, yet extremely busy weekend for us. We looked at our "To Do" list and were able to get a ton of the little, but time-consuming things done. I have to thank my wonderful hubby because he was a HUGE help! We started to rearrange the boys' room, but we have to wait on a few more things before it's finished. We are picking up our new glider next weekend and will be moving the computer out of the bedroom and into our little kitchen nook to free up space so Jayden and Jaxson can have their toys and other things in their bedroom. It will free up a lot of space in our living room too.

We got Jayden's overnight bag packed and finished Jaxson's bag as well. All of our hospital bags (minus mine and Aaron's because we have "last minute" items to pack) as well as the new double stroller have been packed in the car so we are 95% ready in that aspect if Jax decides to come soon. We also put the car seat (complete with BundleMe) in the car next to Jayden's car seat and he seems enthralled by it so far... I think he will be really excited to have a buddy with him in the back seat. :) The carpets have been steam cleaned as well. We are contemplating getting rid of one of our cats (maybe two...we have 3 total) because I'm tired of them clawing the carpet and peeing on things. They are sweet cats, which has saved them thus far, but I'm getting tired of my home smelling like a litter box. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a good housekeeper and I like things clean and fresh, so this isn't something I tolerate very well and it drives me NUTS!

Also, I was able to put a bunch of our family pictures in frames. I still need to buy 3 more frames and hang the pictures, but I felt like I accomplished a lot. There were some leftover frames I had from old pictures so I'm using those to make collages of all the pictures we have (there's 5 total)...so those will be my lunch-hour projects at work. How sad is it that my son is 15 months old, and even though I've been diligent to get professional pictures of him every 3 months, I have yet to hang ANY on my walls at home?? Bad Mommy... :( That's one of my projects next weekend given I can get all the others framed.

Speaking of pictures, we also had our family/maternity pictures on Saturday. Since Jayden just turned 15 months yesterday, we also got a couple shots of just him as well. Surprisingly he did really well, despite displaying his escape artist techniques. It was a MAJOR improvement from last time... at his one year photos he screamed bloody murder and would not let me put him down. As soon as he saw the mini bathtub prop (complete with rubber duckies and sponges), I no longer existed. Yay! Plus we had a different photographer this time (one that did NOT sound like Elmo on crack!) and so I think that it made him less frightened. We got some really cute shots of the three and a half of us, a couple really cute ones of Jayden in a "big boy" chair, and an AWESOME shot of him with a HUGE smile on his face hugging "his baby" (Jaxson). Then I got some of just Aaron and I, some solo shots, and one of my belly with a ribbon tied around it...after all, a baby is the greatest gift, right? Wrapped with love, I'd say... :) I also have to commend the photographer, Brett, as she did a great job hiding most of my stretch marks. Granted I don't have many of them to show off, but they are there. We get the electronic prints back hopefully by the end of this week, and I go back to pick up the actual pictures on the 18th, so stay tuned. I'll make sure to proudly display them here. :)

So, that's pretty much what happened over our weekend. Nothing really extravagant, but definitely busy since the "nesting bug" keeps burrowing even deeper and I constantly feel like I'm running out of time. I want everything as close to perfect and done as possible so I can just enjoy my new little man's arrival. I do admit that I probably should slow down though... I worked so hard on Saturday that by the end of the evening it took practically all of my energy to move. My hips and pelvis were in excruciating discomfort, which then waned on my patience. Ugh...just a few more weeks though!

Next appointment is on Thursday, so I'll have an update at that point as to my progress. I'm fully expecting not to be dilated or anything (although if I was, it would be a nice surprise!) so we will see...

Happy Monday. Enjoy the March snow here in Seattle!

35 weeks down...35 DAYS to go!

Ay carumba! The days seem to just be whizzing past! I feel like I still have so much to do and that I'm absolutely scrambling to get it done! Even work is busy, so between all my projects at home (despite the fact that there are just a ton of little projects to do) and my work I'm starting to feel overwhelmed!

This weekend should be pretty productive (or at least I'm hoping so). I've got a few things in the works, so if I can manage to get them done (with Aaron's help, of course!) I will feel so much better come Monday.

It's funny... I did this quiz from www.justmommies.com about when you will have your baby (purely entertainment anyway...) and it said Jaxson would be LATE! Ha, I don't think he will be. With his daily cervix-punching sessions, there are times where I feel he's going to just burst out of me! Based on the information I gave, they said my labor would be about 12 hours long and he'd be born in the morning, weighing in at about 8.2 pounds or something... so we will see. I had to laugh when I tried it for Jayden because it said he'd be 3-7 days EARLY, 6.8 pounds, born in the morning, and I'd have a 14 hour labor. Uh....hold up! He was 8.5 pounds, 4 days LATE, born in the evening, and I had a 17-18 hour labor. So there is hope for me yet... :)

I went to the chiropractor yesterday for another adjustment and I'm feeling great! I told him about the increasing discomfort in my pelvis and he said all is normal. Something about my sacral iliac joints taking on all the pressure from my pelvis expanding due to baby. I'll tell you that he's been a total godsend though...my back feels a lot better, but my pelvis is still killing me. I don't remember it bothering me so much with Jayden. It's becoming increasingly difficult and uncomfortable even trying to switch from side to side while laying down. However, I do take comfort in the fact that my body is preparing itself for the impending birth. I've also noticed an increase in my Braxton Hicks... they seem to come on at the drop of a hat, so I have to be careful not to overexert myself. I get quite a few in the morning before I get out of bed as well. It'll be interesting to see if, at my appointment on Thursday, they are actually doing anything to change my cervix. I do realize that dilation and effacement really mean nothing in terms of WHEN labor will start (although it sometimes can be an indicator) but it's nice to know that my body is making necessary progress. I just hope I don't stall out at 3cm for 13 hours like I did with Jayden. Hopefully my HypnoBabies studies will help me relax through the "birthing waves" so that I don't halt my own progress by stressing out.

Other randomness on my mind, but Jayden has been really fixated on my boobs lately. I have yet to start lactating (I'm a late bloomer when it comes to colostrum), but he's been acting strange and almost giving me cues that he wants to nurse at times. I did nurse him for 9 weeks, but gave up due to not being able to pump because of my job and because I had low supply issues. It's been well over a year since he last breast-fed, but it's almost like the "desire" or interest is coming back. I don't mind nursing two kids if it comes to that, but I just found it odd that he was displaying this behavior. We'll see how things go. Jaxson will be breast-fed and I do have the option of pumping at work now, so I'm hoping I can last longer with him. However, I have a feeling that Jayden's curiosity and possible jealousy with having a new sibling may lead him to nursing as well. Luckily, I've asked a bunch of ladies from my forums at www.babycenter.com and they've said it's normal and shouldn't be an issue if he wants to "try" it again. He shouldn't have weaning issues and it may help him feel less jealous or like Jax isn't getting preferential treatment by being a booby baby when Jayden isn't. So, who knows...it looks like I may explore the world of tandem nursing shortly. Fine by me as long as my kids are happy and healthy!

Well, I hope everyone has a great weekend! I'm sure I'll post updates on Monday!