Splishing & Splashing

If there's one thing both of my boys love (besides each other), it's bath time. Both boys desperately needed a bath the other day so I got them in the tub with their toys and they had a blast! Jayden loves to play with the bucket and the boat and he's even learned how to clean himself so he'll now take the loofah and put soap on it and wash his body. Jaxson, when he's not busy chewing on the foam bath letters, is a MAJOR splasher! I think he got more water outside the bathtub than what stayed in. :) Of course, he found it hilarious so he was squealing with delight and laughing the whole time. I decided to get pictures of the boys playing in the tub together while I waited.

Jaxson was such a busy bee... I tried getting his attention for pictures but he was a baby on a mission for some serious play time. He pretty much ignored me. Jayden, being the goofball that he is, was the exact opposite. He thought it would be funny for Mommy to take pictures of him putting various toys on his head for 45 minutes. Yes, 45 minutes. And they didn't get bored. If everything could entertain them for that long I'd be set. I finally had to pull the plug and get them ready for bed and although they didn't want to get out, they also enjoyed the short-lived freedom of running (or crawling, in Jaxson's case) up and down the halls naked while I tried to corral them before they peed all over the floor. Ah, boys... Gotta love them. :)

Littlest Man

I've been a horrible mom lately and I haven't taken very many pictures of my kids, but I did manage to get some of Jaxson this week while I was home with him. It was really nice to be able to spend some quality time with him even though I was working. It gave me a glimpse of what it must be like to be a SAHM and I have to say I kind of like it. It got me thinking about the future and what I'd like to do with my career. Ideally I'd love to stay home with my kids and start a business on the side doing some event planning and baking... I'd probably specialize in weddings and birthdays, but I'd do other things as well.

Anyway...side tangent. I cannot believe that Jaxson is almost 10 months old! He definitely doesn't look 10 months old as he truly lives up to his "Little Man" nickname. Poor guy is the same size his older brother was at 6 months! I think it might hit me that he's older than he appears once he's standing more often and walking, but he's still busy crawling around so I've got no idea when that will happen. He's one of those kids where he's slow to figure it out, but then one day it just hits him and, boom, he's got it. He's full of surprises like that. :)

So, without further ado, here are some recent pictures of our little Jaxson. He's such a sweet and gentle little baby. I already miss snuggling with him now that I'm back in the office. :(

First Ferry Ride

The boys got to experience their first ferry ride earlier this month when we traveled to Bremerton to see Aaron's sister, Jenna, and her clan for Megan's (our niece) 13th birthday party. Jaxson could have cared less even though he was looking around curiously, but Jayden LOVED it! He has an obsession with water and loves boats. He kept saying "Boat, Daddy! Boat, Mama!" and "Wide da boat!" the whole time. Poor kid even cried when we docked in Bremerton and we had to drive off the ferry... he wanted to stay. :) We told him that we would have to ride the "boat" again when we went home so that seemed to hold him over for a while. By the time we left to go home, he fell asleep so he ended up sleeping through the whole return trip until it was time to drive off the ferry... and then he got upset again. Then he kept saying, "Bye bye boat!" as we drove away. It looks like we will have to take more ferry rides in the future to cure his fascination. :)

Here are a couple pictures of our short first ferry ride together as a family. Pardon my face in the one picture... it was horribly windy and the sun was right in my eyes so I'm squinting and my face looks so chubby (thank goodness this diet is working because I can see the change in my face!)

Kiss & Make Up

So, yesterday turned out to be a interesting (in a good way!) day. As I'd previously mentioned before, we pretty much cut all ties with Aaron's brother, Tommy, and his wife a couple of days before Christmas. Aaron and Tommy got in a fight over fantasy football (it happens practically every year and I now completely dread football season because of the man-drama) and things got out of hand. Since they had fights all the time, I figured this was going to be the same as always...well it was different. This year it seemed like they were adamant to not talk to each other ever again. I was initially really sad about it because I got along well with my sister-in-law, Samantha, and our oldest boys are only 2 months apart in age, so they play well together and we were looking forward to them growing up together. I finally had started to accept that maybe it was for the best that things worked out this way and we just went on with our lives... until a couple weeks ago. I hadn't talked at all to Tommy or Samantha since a day or two after Christmas where I was essentially told that they weren't going to talk to me either even though I'd had nothing to do with the situation just because of the severity of it and wanting to cut all ties, but then I got a comment response to my Facebook status from Samantha where she was saying hi and that she missed me and the boys. We got to talking on the Facebook instant chat for a while, and it was really nice to hear from her and just talk about things. She even asked if I wanted to get together with her so we could let the boys play. A week later, the same thing happened (turns out we both love to watch the never-ending scripted drama courtesy of "The Bachelor"). I figured that, if anything, at least us wives would keep in contact and the little boys could have some semblance of a relationship regardless of Tommy and Aaron's fight.

Fast forward to yesterday. I'd been home all week working and staying with Jaxson since we didn't have daycare. Aaron's contract job ended on Wednesday and he'd just gotten home from a job interview. Then the phone vibrated. I got up to see who it was and it was a text message...from Tommy. My first thought was that maybe Samantha was texting to me on Tommy's phone but I was wrong. It was Tommy and he wanted to talk to Aaron. He basically said that he was sorry for their fight and he didn't think it was a good thing for issues like this to get in the way of a good friendship and family, and he thought it would be a good idea for the two of them to get together alone to talk out their differences and put their issues behind them once and for all. I handed the phone to Aaron and told him Tommy wanted to talk to him and work out their issues. A few minutes later, Aaron tells me that he's going to go over to Tommy and Samantha's new place (they live like 5-10 minutes away from us now) so they could make amends. And make amends they did. :) A little later Aaron came home... with Tommy, Samantha (now 6 months pregnant with my niece, Alexis!), and their almost 2-year-old Brayden. It was really nice to feel like family again and have all of the issues behind us and just hang out...and look forward to everything together. Praise be to God that they were able to find it in their hearts to forgive and work on building their brotherly relationship up again. I look forward to seeing them again soon. It will be fun now that they live close again... I think there will be many a family game night in our future. :) Not football games though...at least not for now.

In addition, I also hadn't talked to my mother in law since New Year's Eve. I don't think I explained why (maybe I did and cannot remember... either way it's not important as it's all water under the bridge at this point). The short story is that I went to be with my mom on NYE because she had just returned from her Vegas vacation to find out her Riko was dying from cancer and she didn't want to be alone. I essentially ruined our original plans and Aaron was stuck watching the kiddos until I got back which he wasn't happy about. He called his mom to vent to her about our argument (which he shouldn't have and he knew better) so between the stress and frustration of inadvertently becoming involved in our marital spat and the fact that she was in pain from her knee and back, she fell off the bandwagon that night and ended up getting drunk. Normally that wouldn't be an issue, but my mother in law is not a happy drunk... far from it. She has the ability to get angry and nasty. Of course once she's sober she feels horrible about her attitude/behavior, and she truly is a kind person, but it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when she drinks and when she's sober. She ended up calling me that night while she was intoxicated and said some very hurtful and cruel things to me (which I know she didn't mean in all honesty) about me being a mom and I told her that I had nothing left to say to her and told her not to talk to me. She'd been feeling bad about it all month and wanted to apologize but she was too afraid to do it because she thought I hated her. I didn't hate her and I'd already long forgiven her.

Anyway, she came over to our place last night and made dinner for us and formally apologized to me. I told her I accepted her apology and I was glad to see her. She also hadn't seen the little boys since Christmas and she was so happy to see them...and they were very happy to see her. Jayden kept saying "Yay Nana!" over and over again and was stuck to her like glue. Jaxson flashed her some big toothy smiles and snuggled on her shoulder. It was a good night. Actually it was just a good day in general. Our whole family came back together all in one day.

God is so almighty and gracious and wonderful. Time truly helps to heal as God uses that time to re-mold our hearts, fix the cracks, and make them whole and strong again. Families shouldn't be broken apart and I hope that this has truly taught everyone a valuable lesson. The relationships we have are so important and I hope that they continue to mend and grow stronger...more fortified than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

Progress

Not much to say since not much has happened in the last week or so, but I figured I'd just give a quick update. I'm working from home most of this week since we don't have adequate daycare for Jaxson this week. My aunt watched him until this past Friday and then Aaron's contract job is up on Wednesday so he'll be home with him until he gets a new contract job or a permanent position. We still haven't heard anything regarding the Microsoft job, but he does have a job interview on Thursday for a project manager job and we just got word that there's another company who wants to do a phone interview with him tomorrow or Wednesday. So there are some prospects which is a good sign. :) We are just taking it a day at a time and reminding ourselves that we have much to be grateful and thankful for.

Also, I'm down another 3 pounds this week to 173. I didn't get as much exercise this week as I'd hoped but I'm doing well on the portion control and watching the foods I eat. I also attended a Weight Watchers meeting at work last Thursday and I'm still deciding if I want to join the new session that starts mid February. It seems like a good idea for support but it's a lot of money and I don't know if I need Weight Watchers to help me meet my goals. Either way, I'm very happy with the progress I'm making and can't wait to see what next week's check-in looks like. :)

Week 1 Check-in

So, I think my starting weight was off when I first reported it. When I weighed myself again, I was at 178 and then again it was at 180, so I just went with the average of 179 instead of the original 177 I thought I was at. At any rate, I've seen some progress this week as I'm now down to 176 so depending on which starting weight you use, I've lost either 1 pound or 3 pounds so far. I'm very proud of the progress I'm making...even if it is just baby steps. :)

I've been watching my portions and I've noticed that my will power is getting better. It's funny how quickly your mindset changes when you start noticing results. It's so much easier to pass up foods I normally wouldn't because I know they'd send me into a backslide. It's still hard, but it's steadily getting easier. Plus, I'm getting better at measuring out my portions and watching my foods. The nice thing is that I'm still able to eat a lot of the things I like. I even had a corn dog the other day and it was only 270 calories! That might seem like a lot, but that corn dog along with a couple potato wedges completely filled me up and was just around 400 calories. I stayed firmly within my 4 goals for the day too. :)

As far as exercise goes, I've been walking about 1.5 miles a day the past week ( I did it 3 times) and now I want to start walking a little faster to get up to 2 miles a day and do that Monday-Friday for a total of 10 miles a week. I'm also doing Zumba twice a week. Once during the weekdays and then on Sundays with my mom (we've made a weekly Zumba date) so that we can do our cardio together. I've also decided that I want to participate in a challenge every month or create one for myself. So for February I am going to do the "Century Club Challenge" that my friend and acquaintance, Diandra, did back in December. It seems like a really good idea and it would fit easily into my daily routine. So, starting January 30th (since I want to do it for a total of 30 days instead of 28), I'll be doing 100 each of pushups, situps/crunches, and squats a day. I suck at doing pushups so that will definitely be my biggest challenge out of the three. I have virtually no upper body strength whatsoever... it's absolutely pitiful. :(

So, week one is down and I'm excited to see what week two has in store! I'm so sore from the first week but it's well worth it!

Chugging along...

Man I forgot how hard the first week (or two!) of dieting and exercise can be when you are totally out of shape and overeating! It's really put things in perspective for me as to how big my portions of food have been. No wonder I've had such a hard time losing the weight! Plus, it has been a detriment that I lapsed on taking my levothyroxine (the medication for my thyroid) every day as I was supposed to. Since it has a direct effect on my metabolism I shouldn't be shocked that everything has slowed down. Anyway, it's been pretty tough since I've felt hungry the last few days but I'm trying to eat foods high in fiber and protein along with drinking lots of water to help. Even in just a few short days I've noticed that my will power is getting better and I'm being more selective and savvy about my food choices. Yay! For the most part I'm staying within my guidelines on SparkPeople in regards to my daily calories, carbs, fat, and protein. I think yesterday was the first day that I had all four categories within the limits selected for my weight and height. Some days there were things that were over and some days where things were under. It's definitely going to be a learning process for me to find out what foods are good for me to eat and which ones aren't (outside of the obvious choices)... you know like which foods provide the best nourishment tailored to what I need. Biggest health bang for my buck.... sort of. Hopefully in the next week or two my stomach will get used to the smaller, normal size portions and I'll start to feel more satisfied. :)

As far as the fitness is going... well it's started but I'd like to do more. I feel so defeated most days from working a full time job and then going home to two young kids, cooking dinner, doing housework, and then still not getting adequate sleep at night. There are not enough hours in the day!! I have managed to get in walks every day at work during my lunch time for 30 minutes and I end up walking about 1.5 miles a day. I'd like to increase my speed to make it 2 miles a day. That's 8 laps around a track. I think I can manage that... :) I was also going to start my Zumba on Wednesday but my kids were cranky and laundry was calling so I didn't end up getting around to it, but I told Aaron that I'm doing it tonight no ifs, ands, or buts. Even if I look like a total dork dancing in the middle of my living room. Heck, maybe Aaron and Jayden will even join in. Aaron's not the dancing type unless you call Dance Dance Revolution "dancing" so that should be entertaining, but I do have to applaud his efforts. Heh, he said he'd take cardio any way he could get it.

I also noticed that I weighed more than I thought when I started. I was closer to 179 than 177. I'm at 178 right now, but I'm still sticking to my goal of losing 4 pounds by the end of this month and then 5 pounds minimum each month after until the end of July (my 25th birthday). I don't want to lose any less than that a month, but I think it's feasible and it's much healthier to lose it slowly and steadily than a major drop at once.

So for now, I'm just chugging along. I plan to do my weekly weigh-ins on Sunday mornings so I will have an update on Monday in regards to any changes this week in weight. Wish me luck! Oh, and if you have any good health tips, feel free to pass them along!!!

Back In The Saddle

I went on this health kick a few months back and then the holidays completely derailed me, but with the new year here I made a resolution to stick to my resolution from months past and get back on track. I want to lose 30-35 pounds. I want to get in shape as I hate being one of those "frumpy" moms who is STILL struggling to lose the baby weight. I snapped back pretty quick with Jayden, losing all but 4 pounds by the time I found out I was pregnant again. With both pregnancies I only gained 25 pounds so I really didn't have that much pregnancy weight to lose, but I'd already started out heavier than I wanted to be by like 15 pounds. So my goal is to lose that 15 I'd been trying to lose on top of the 15 that I still haven't lost from Jaxson.

So, I've started doing a few different things that I hope to continue. First, I got back on to SparkPeople (found here) to track my progress as far as nutrition goals (calories, fat, carbs, protein, fluid intake), fitness goals, weight, and measurements. They also have teams that you can join for challenges and a buddy system to help keep you accountable. You can also create a SparkPage (similar to a MySpace or Facebook page) with a blog feature so you can talk about your progress there. I plan to weigh myself weekly and take my measurements once a month to track those goals, and I also track the foods I eat and how much water I drink daily (along with any exercise). I'm hoping it will help to keep me accountable to watch what I eat and make sure I lose the weight and maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle.

In addition, I've vowed to myself to use 30 minutes of my lunch time at work to do a power walk with my friend and co-worker, Danielle. I know that it's easier for me to fall off the bandwagon and become unmotivated if I'm doing it by myself so I asked Danielle if she wanted to walk with me. It gives her and I a chance to catch up each day and stay in touch, plus it's perfect because she's getting married to her sweetheart, Josh, in April and wants to shed some weight before her wedding day. My personal goal is to be at my goal weight by my 25th birthday in July. Also, I'm going to start utilizing the Zumba DVD's that Aaron got me for Christmas and I'd like to aim for doing that twice a week for an hour each. It's easy enough for me to do in my own home and Jayden likes to dance and likes music, so more than likely it'll become a family dance fest. :) Maybe at some point I can try hot yoga and convince Aaron to buy a Wii Fit when we have money so I can get exercise that way too.

I might also look into some different diets just to get some good ideas on what things I should eat and what I shouldn't. I know it should be obvious, but I don't know much about the portions I should eat and what constitutes a protein versus a carb (okay, well I know a little about proteins and carbs) and which foods may actually count as both, etc. We have a WeightWatchers program at my work that I might join, but I'm still undecided about that.

I also need to make sure I hold myself to taking my thyroid medication daily. I have to admit that I'm horrible about taking it and when I go for too long without it I can definitely feel the side effects. My eyes hurt, I'm tired/sluggish, no energy, and practically zero metabolism. If Aaron saw this he'd be chastising me to no end...not that I'd blame him.

So, in addition to all of the above, I'm also going to commit myself to tracking my progress here (again!) regularly. Ideally I'd like to track it weekly, but I'll definitely be tracking it monthly for sure. I don't know if I should bore you with weekly progress reports... I'd post a before picture, but frankly I'm too chicken to do it because I don't really feel all that "pretty" right now and it would be a really scary sight, but I may post progress pictures as I feel more comfortable in my own skin. For now, I'll post the measurements that I tracked on SP yesterday and if you are a visual person...well you'll get the idea.

Weight: 179 lbs.
BMI: 24.8
Waist: 34.5 in.
Hips: 44 in.
Neck: 13.5 in.
Thigh: 23.5 in.
Calf: 16 in.
Upper Arm: 14.5 in.

**Oh, and this is a side tangent about another goal, but I got a call from my bank today and they said that since I'm a "preferred customer" they can add a new account tied to my existing account where I can transfer the balance of my reserve line and credit card at a lower interest rate. Right now my credit card interest is at 11% and my reserve line (which I've only used twice in a jam) is at 22%. They can roll both balances into a single account with an interest rate anywhere between 5-10% at most. That means I can close the other two accounts and pay from the new one with a lower interest rate which will help me pay off my bills faster and help get out of debt quicker. Yay!!**

Things are looking up and I feel really positive about things right now. It's still a long journey, but I feel like I have a fresher perspective. Here goes nothing... :)

I've got the fever...

Baby fever, that is. It's not full blown yet, but it's slowly creeping in on me. I've got two boys close in age which has its ups and downs, and ideally I'd like to have a little more of an age gap between Jaxson and baby #3 but I'm noticing that I'm really starting to warm up to the idea of another baby soon. The part that bugs me? My definition of soon is not soon enough. Our original plan was to start trying for another baby at the end of this year or early next year so that Jaxson and the new one would be about 2-3 years apart...but that may not happen. See, we recently got thrown for another loop when Aaron's mom said she wouldn't be watching Jaxson anymore which means that Aaron and I somehow have to cough up another $800 a month for daycare. I already pay $880 for Jayden so with both boys in daycare I'm essentially working to send my entire paycheck to our daycare provider. It's doable, but barely. We'd be getting through by the seat of our pants.

Why would I do that, you ask? Well, ideally I'd stay home with the kids once it got to the point where I was working just to pay their daycare, but oddly enough it would still actually be saving us money every month for me to still work. Why? Because I work for our health insurance company and I essentially pay about 1/5 the price that it would cost Aaron to cover all of us through his employer. Oh wait! ...He doesn't have one. At least not a permanent one. His last company closed due to bankruptcy last March and since September he's been on a contract job which is up on the 27th. After that it's either back on unemployment until they find him a new contract job, or they may even have a new job lined up for him by then. Even if he was able to get a permanent position somewhere making good money, once Baby #3 got here we'd eventually need to put him/her in daycare as well (most likely) or I'd have to quit my job which I'd gladly do if it was the best option. If we would have to do the former...that's another $800 a month. Something doesn't sit right with me paying $2400 a month in daycare.

Also, Aaron and I want to get our debt paid off. We currently have medical bills, credit cards, and student loans. We have set out a plan to have our debt paid off (with the exception of Aaron's loans) by December 2011. Now that we are putting Jax in daycare that may take longer. That and we know that most things don't go as planned... But I have to admit that this fever has fueled the fire and has made me more diligent, driven, motivated and all that to get it paid down quicker and for good. I cannot tell you how much better I will feel knowing that we no longer have credit card debt and our student loans are gone. We will both be breathing a huge sigh of relief when that happens. Aaron plans to get a second, part-time job on the weekends once he starts his new contract job (he can't start it before then or he won't be able to collect unemployment) so we can have some extra cash to pay debt down quicker and we've contemplated maybe finding a place that we can share rent on with my mom once our lease is up in May. It might only save us a couple hundred a month, but even that can stretch a long way in the scheme of things.

So really it comes down to finances. Damn you, money! Why do you have to make the world go round? I'd like to live in a world where love and sunshine are the currency of choice (it'll never happen, but I'm a dreamer so sue me...). Instead, I'm stuck listening to the constant ticking and tocking of my biological clock going, "Hello!!??!! Don't you hear me?? I'm calling for you!" all the time because you had to rear your ugly head. It's like a person hearing voices they don't want to...and I'm going to end up going insane if the incessant chatter doesn't stop. Sigh. I know good things come to those who wait, but let me tell you that I'm not a patient person. I'm the one squirming uncontrollably in my seat and pulling my hair out while screaming. I'm a go-getter. I don't like waiting. When I want something I'm determined to go get it and immediately put myself on a fast track. I like deadlines, and even better... I like meeting them. I don't procrastinate otherwise I will go crazy. I'm anal like that... yes, and it drives my husband bonkers. So, really this whole finance thing is derailing my timeline and it's making me twitch. Ay carumba.

In addition to the big issue of finances, there's also this itty bitty personal goal I'd like to reach before getting pregnant again and that would be to lose another 30 pounds to get myself in shape, get used to living a healthier life, and have more confidence about my outer, er...beauty?? Yeah, I don't think I can really call it that. I look like the Michelin Man. Oh well. I want to feel sexy and womanly and even the least bit attractive. My husband says he still finds me beautiful every day, but I want to be able to see it in his face without the words even coming out of his mouth. Plus, if I'm in better shape when I get pregnant, it will be easier for me to stay that way through my pregnancy and after.

I realize that so much can happen in a year or two and on one side it doesn't look so bad. I mean one or two years can go by very fast. But on the other side of it all it seems like an eternity. Anyone who has traveled the road of TTC (trying to conceive---although if you've been or are there I wouldn't need to explain that acronym to you) or even waiting to TTC knows exactly what I mean. Days seem like weeks, weeks seem like months, and months seem like years. Years seem like...well you get the idea. And it can be a hard road to travel, especially if you have trouble getting pregnant. Thus far Aaron and I have been fortunate enough to not have any fertility problems (and multiple praises to Jesus for that!!), but even without that added pressure there's a lot of anxiety to be found in family planning.

In all honesty I know the best thing for our family is to wait, but waiting is so hard to do especially when you have a strong desire for it. It can be a torment if the call goes unanswered for too long. I'm trying with all my might to be patient and focus on the tasks at hand, but it's not as easy as it looks. I think I'll need some of God's magic dust on this one...

'Cuz I gots da fever...and it aint goin' away anytime soon.

At Peace

Yesterday was a really tough, draining, and long day. I left work early to pick up my kids to take to a sitter so I could be with my mom when she put her dog, Riko, down. Plans changed last minute and I was out of a sitter so I ended up driving out to Monroe so my sister could watch them. Luckily I made it to my mom's house in time to comfort her and say my last goodbyes before he went.

Then I drove out to my sister's house in Gold Bar to pick up my kids with my mom, and then I had to drive her back to her Everett home, and then to my house. I didn't get home with the sleeping kiddos until quarter after 10 last night. With Jaxson going on sleep-strike lately for whatever reason it is (sick, teething, growth spurt, his diva-esque personality...who knows?) I'm exceptionally tired today. Being emotionally drained from saying goodbye to a pet and then driving to what seems like all over Washington state with a toddler and an infant on a work night is enough to send anyone to the loony bin. Oh well, I'm here and relatively unscathed despite my sleep deprivation.

Anyway, that's not really the basis of my post. What I really came here for was to pay my tribute and send out an impromptu "obituary" if you will for our beloved Riko. My mom, aunt, and I were there to be with him in his final moments, get some last pictures/mementos, and say our goodbyes. I've had pets put down before, but this is the first time I've ever witnessed it first-hand and I've gotta say it's a really tough thing to go through and honestly I don't think the reality of it all has hit me yet. He was the sweetest dog ever. Despite being a Rottweiler, which has sadly been stereotyped as a vicious breed, he's as far as ever from the image he's painted to have. Don't get me wrong...he probably would have torn you to shreds if you were attacking his family or if you were to break into my mom's house. He's protective of his territory and his family, but he truly was the sweetest Rottie ever. We used to say he was a "Rottenweiler" as if he was "bad" or "rotten" because he was never this vicious dog. He'd sit in your lap and roll over so you could rub his belly, he'd wag his stubby tail at you in delight and he was always so excited to have visitors and was very adamant about lavishing you with wet, sloppy kisses. He always had a very playful nature and I'm really gonna miss him.

Things went "well" (and I use that loosely given the whole idea of the situation). Riko was scared at first because he didn't know what was going on and he was feeding off of my mom's emotions and he could tell something was wrong. They gave him a sedative which relaxed him enough to the point where he almost seemed asleep. His breathing became labored and shallow and they soon started up his IV. And that was it. Just like that. Gone. One breath...and then none. Nothing. At 6:47pm on January 6, 2010 (which also happened to be my mom's other dog's 8th birthday), our sweet Riko finally drifted off into his eternal slumber, finally free of his cancer forever. While I miss him, I'm also thankful that he's no longer in pain. The vet assured us this was the best decision for him as no dog has ever survived a diagnosis of osteosarcoma...and at least this way he went peacefully at home and in the arms of family members who love him and will miss him. The vet and her assistant were very nice and gentle and I know they will take good care of him. He's being cremated and they made three plaques of his paw print for my mom, sister, and me to keep as mementos.

The recovery process has now begun. Please pray for healing especially for my mother because despite her brief moments of calm, she really is not handling this well. Time heals everything and it will heal this loss as well but her grief is fresh and I hope it doesn't swallow her. She'll be surrounded by family a lot in the coming days and weeks to make sure she comes through this in one piece. She knows that this was the best decision to make in this situation, but she's still faced with living without her Riko and that's very hard for her to stomach.

In closing, I'd like to leave you with pictures of Riko in his final hour.

~~~*~~~*~~~***~~~*~~~*~~~

Riko the Rottweiler aka: Riko Nutter, Nutter Butter, Suave, & Black Boy

Born July 26, 2002 - Died January 6, 2010

Rest in Peace buddy... you will be missed.

Nine Months

That's how old Jaxson turned yesterday. Crazy to think he's been here as long as he was growing in my belly. I'm just amazed at how much he learns and grows every day, week, and month. His new thing is this fake laughing that he's started. Jayden used to do this fake cough thing around the same age, but Jaxson has put his own spin on it and made it this really weird baby cackle which he finds hilarious and then he starts belly laughing at himself. It gets our whole house in an uproar! The kid's a ham I tell ya... :) He's been doing good lately, despite being grumpier than normal and deciding to turn nocturnal on us (one night last week I was up with him every hour...no joke!). Can't blame him though as he's been getting sick and has cut a new tooth every week since Thanksgiving!! He's got SEVEN teeth now! He's definitely a "diva" baby...very high maintenance and clingy, but he's a total lovebug. He's the epitome of a Mama's boy and he loves his big brother so much. He will literally follow him around the house and those two boys have a way of making each other laugh so hard (by doing absolutely nothing) that they seem practically to the point of exhaustion.

Anyway, I took Jaxson in to the doctor yesterday for his 9 month checkup. He got more shots this time and I feel so terrible for him. He's a strong baby so they had a hard time getting him to sit still, but I'm horribly proud of my little champ (both of them actually-- Jayden was there too and got the booster for his swine flu shot). I've gotta say that Jax definitely lives up to his nickname "Little Man". For 9 months he's just a tiny, little stinker. Here are his stats:

Weight: 17 lbs. 15 oz. (10-15%)
Length: 28.5 in. (60%)
Head circumference: 17.5 in. (25%)

...and here he is in comparison to his BIG brother Jayden at 9 months:

Weight: 22 lbs. 14 oz. (80%)
Length: 32.5 in. (97%)
Head circumference: 19 in. (97%)

Ha! Just goes to show you how two fully related siblings can be two completely different kids. Doctor said she's not too worried since he's still growing on his growth curve, but that we need to make sure he continues to get bigger as they typically don't like them to drop lower than the 10th percentile and he doesn't grow in leaps and bounds like Jayden did. He's always been on the smaller side so that may just be who he is, but he just needs a little extra lovin'... and a lot more food (or at least as much as we can give him to fatten him up a bit). His doctor also said that he's advanced and active which could be another reason for not gaining as much weight. He's doing things that most babies his age are not doing yet or at least doing it a lot more than is expected. All in all, it was good news for Jaxson.

** On a side note, please continue to keep my family in your prayers and thoughts today. As I mentioned before, my mom decided that the best course of action for her dog, Riko, would be to put him to sleep due to his osteosarcoma and it will be happening this evening around 5:00 at my mom's house. She seems to have come to grips with this being the best decision for him given the state of his cancer, but she is definitely going to be going through a tough time with this new loss. He was like family to all of us and will most definitely be missed. He's such a sweet dog and nothing can take his place... **

Riko

We found out the results from the vet concerning my mom's 7 year old Rottweiler, Riko. They did a biopsy last week to find out for sure what kind of cancer he has and how aggressive it is. We had been praying that it wasn't the worst case scenario, but unfortunately that's not how things have turned out. It is, in fact, osteosarcoma which is the worst and most aggressive form of bone cancer in dogs.

Really, there are no options at this point. They can do chemo, which my mom cannot afford and even if she could, there's still no likelihood of it doing much to help. It will only delay the inevitable and with as fast as this cancer takes over, the financial cost wouldn't be worth it as it can give him anywhere from a month up to a year. They cannot even guess if it would help at all. The other idea was amputation which is slightly less expensive than chemo, but essentially would yield the same results. It would extend his life anywhere from a month to maybe 6-9 months tops at best. His bones will become too brittle and break and he'd be practically immobile. For a dog his size, he needs his limbs to offset his weight and he'd be in a great deal of pain if he ended up with broken limbs or even just the stress of his extra weight on only three legs. Even without doing anything to treat it, they find it highly unlikely he'd last more than a month. They think that he's had it since around Thanksgiving, so this has all developed really quickly.

So my mom, after talking with family, friends, and the vet, has come to the consensus that the best thing for both of them is to put him to sleep (physically for Riko and financially for my mom). It's a very hard decision for the family, mostly for my mom, because in my family we think of our pets as family and as anyone should know well... it's not easy to say goodbye to a loved one whether on two legs or four. It's been hard for me to grasp the thought of euthanizing. I understand that it's the most humane thing to do for Riko's sake knowing that he's in a great deal of pain and his quality of life has declined so much, but this isn't a thought that you routinely come across with a human. If a human has cancer, you can amputate and you can do chemo, but you can't just euthanize. You can't just kill a person...it's illegal. So for me, there's a sense of wrong that goes with this decision even though I know it's what's best. Ideally, we'd let the cancer take it's course, but no one wants to see him in any more pain, my mom cannot handle the emotional aspects, and she cannot care for him during the day because she works. There is no doggie hospice...no guarantee that he would have anyone with him or any comfort from his "family" in his final moments. At least this way we can be with him to say goodbye and he will have some comfort from having us there.

Please pray for my mom, and even for me, for strength and healing. We don't know yet when it will happen although it could be as early as tomorrow evening. My mom, aunt, and I will all be with Riko when it happens. He will be in the comfort of my mom's home and the procedure itself (we've been told) isn't painful. He'll just feel at peace and "go to sleep". I hope that I have enough clarity and focus to be able to grieve appropriately and comfort my mother. I'm scared for her... I don't know how much more death and grief she can handle from watching those she cares for and loves pass away.

Thank you...

A New Year

2009 was an interesting year to say the least... Jaxson's birth by far trumps anything bad that happened, but that's not to say that 2009 wasn't without it's hiccups. We were definitely tested and tried (but also blessed) last year, and my hope is that 2010 will be a good year to us. It didn't get off to a good start due to some issues with my mother-in-law and ringing in the New Year wasn't as flawless as I had planned but I was also reminded that when one door is closed, another one opens. God has provided for us again despite my stress and doubting.

Without going into major detail and airing too much dirty laundry, we had to find new daycare on the spot for Jaxson. My mother-in-law quit on us with no notice and Aaron and I don't have the funds to put him in daycare at least until next month and that's still up in the air, but luckily we have more time to plan for that. Aaron and I sat down and came up with a plan and looked at our finances, so we should be able to get something in the works. It will mean that I am essentially working to put our kids in daycare, but for the time being it's more beneficial for me to work because I get a huge discount on health insurance. We'd be paying out more money for health insurance if I quit my job because I get it at a fraction of the cost that Aaron would pay. Plus, since he doesn't have a full-time permanent job, we'd really be up a creek if I did. Lucky for us, my aunt (who is unemployed right now) said she would watch Jax for the month of January at least. Then on top of all of this my mother-in-law and I are not on speaking terms right now. It's something that can be mended, but I feel she needs to apologize first before I am willing to put it in the past. I'm a forgiving person, and I do forgive her, but I also think she needs to apologize so she realizes that what she did isn't okay (and there's more to the story than the daycare thing). Forgiving doesn't equal forgetting and I don't forget things (well, okay some things I do...).

Anyway, enough drama. :) Despite the little hiccup over the New Year holiday, I'm very much looking forward to 2010. I'm expecting that it will be another crazy year with many ups and downs, but I'm hopeful and I know that if Aaron and I stay diligent we can make our personal goals and have a really good year. We will make the best of what is given to us with the grace of God.

Oh, and this is totally a side tangent, but I'm SOOOO excited that "The Bachelor" starts tonight!! I never thought I'd be a sucker for reality TV, but deep down I like all that dramatic romance crap. It livens up my Mondays! :)

Welcome to the 2010 version of the crazy adventures of the Andresens!