Anyway, so there were a couple things I found out about that happened on my dad's side of the family that were kind of sad to hear about over the holidays. I don't want to go into specifics because I feel it would be a violation of their privacy, but suffice it to say that my heart feels heavy for them and I pray that time will heal things and they can also look at 2010 as a new beginning. In addition, I just found out that my mom's dog might have bone cancer and if he does (which it's highly likely) the outcome is very grim. If it hasn't spread (which is unlikely), then they can amputate his leg that it's in... but really there's nothing that can be done if it has...except for doggie chemo and that's spotty at that. I feel so bad for my mom because she's really been struggling with the whole reality of death. In the last 6 years she's lost her mom and dad, her younger brother, and my other uncle also has cancer now (or so we've been told) and so there's just been so much death surrounding her. I'm afraid she cannot take much more. She lives alone with her two dogs, and the deaths of her family coupled with the fact that her dog is gravely ill AND she doesn't have a stable relationship which she desires makes me feel like she's going to lose it. She is already so upset about being alone... I just don't know what to do and in fact I'm not even sure what to pray for. Strength for her for sure, but beyond that I really don't know.
Lastly, and biggest of all, we cut pretty much all ties with Aaron's brother 2 days before Christmas. Long story short, Aaron and his brother play fantasy football and they were in a league involving money and things essentially got out of hand when Aaron felt like his brother was taking advantage of the other players in the league (Aaron was already out of the championship so it didn't matter for him per se) and he called him out on it...in front of all of his co-workers and boss. While I don't agree with how Aaron went about it, and his brother has not admitted he did this, I'm disappointed that this is what it came to. Aaron and his brother are like a rollercoaster... when they get along they are great, but when crap hits the fan it's a huge blowout. This is not the first time that we haven't been on speaking terms with them...especially over stupid fantasy football. Honestly, I think it's the dumbest thing ever to fight over and I feel that whether or not Tommy was dishonest Aaron definitely needed to keep the matter private instead of involving Tommy's job, but I guess that's what happens when you put two highly competitive (and let's admit it, sometimes selfish) personalities together. Growing up with my dad, I can relate as we are both very stubborn...we were so much alike that we clashed all the time and I don't know how we survived my teenage years living under the same roof. Same deal with Aaron and his brother... it's drama after drama after drama. They've both reached a point where it's not worth it to even try anymore, which in some aspects makes me really sad because our kids will not really ever know each other and I'm not one to take kindly to alienating anyone...especially family. I've never been good at it. I've always been the peacekeeper. I tried to do damage control and at least keep a civil talking relationship with them since really this had nothing to do with me or the boys, but I felt as if I was treated in a rude manner for something I was never involved in so I've realized that I have to let go. I'm not saying that they don't have a reason to be mad, however I think it's frustrating to feel like I'm being reprimanded when I had nothing to do with the situation whatsoever. I feel like I've put up with a lot and just kept my mouth shut in order to keep the peace, but I'm tired of being so diplomatic. So, in essense, I'm starting to feel some slight relief amongst the sadness that we don't have a relationship with them anymore. Maybe it's just better this way. I wish them the best and I hope they are happy in their lives and I definitely don't hate them, but I don't feel the desire to go out of my way to salvage anything anymore. It would be a futile effort to save something that may not be mended. It's unfortunate it had to happen this way, but could also be fortunate in ways that will appear to us as we go on. Neither of our respective families need the stress from this kind of relationship. Plus, Aaron and I (and most importantly our kids) will still have good influences in our lives through my family and his mom's family and we want our boys to learn from those good influences. Families are about good morals, good attitude, and lots of love... and sometimes we feel like we didn't get much of that from the relationship with his brother. Plus with their differing attitudes and personalities (and even the traits they had in common were not always compatible in the same environment), Aaron avoided his brother a lot because he felt that a little bit went a long way and he could only take him in small doses. It's kind of like an overpowering perfume... the scent can be so strong at times that sometimes it just gives you a headache.
That being said, there may be a possibility in the future of a reconciliation, but we will take it as it comes I guess. Ideally, it would be nice if everyone could get to a place of forgiveness and we can move on with our lives whether it's together or not. There are parts of that familial relationship I will definitely miss as well as others I'd be fine to do without. Only time will truly tell what will happen and if the relationship can be mended to a point. I don't think things will ever be exactly as they were but maybe we can at least be able to show each other some civility if placed in those circumstances which would require it. If a reconciliation does come to pass, there will definitely need to be major changes and boundaries to avoid things like this in the future. Going through this once is enough. I'm all for riding rollercoasters, but this is not one I'd like to take another ride on...
At any rate I'm convinced and motivated to live my life to the fullest and just keep on going. There's that saying that "the best revenge is to live well". While I don't feel that revenge is the right word and I don't really agree with revenge at all, I do like the essense of this saying. When you fall, just dust off the dirt, put a Band-Aid on the scrapes, and get back up. And do it better than ever. So that's what we are going to do. We are going to get back up and keep living.
... And we are going to live well.
Here's to a happy and prosperous 2010! A new year, a new century.... a new beginning.
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