Over the past few years, Aaron and I have noticed that this whole "keeping up with our us" or "out-doing us" habits have been occurring and, frankly, it's just getting frustratimg. This isn't to say that Bobby and Susie are doing this intentionally as it could just be part of their personalities, nor is their behavior actually harmful in any way. However, it is extremely frustrating, somewhat childish, and sometimes demeaning. And that's enough to tire anyone out to the point of mental exhaustion. Sometimes we feel like the things we have or the things we achieve aren't good enough in comparison to what they have or what they achieve. Everything they have and everything they do is just "so much better".
Part of me understands that in a way it's up to me to change that thinking. And on one level I really could care less. The things we own do not determine our life's successes. I'm completely content with the things I have (okay, okay... so I would like a bigger house, or actually any house would be fine at this point because I detest our ghetto apartment even if it IS a roof over our heads, but that's besides the point...) and most importantly, I feel blessed to have the wonderful family and friends I have. Every mother thinks her child(ren) are the greatest ever, and I am definitely no different in that aspect. :) But on the flip side of that whole "caring" coin, there's also that part of me that is going mad because I really just want to tell Bobby and Susie to stop trying to size their lives up against mine and Aaron's. I DO care... not in the aspect that what I feel I have is inferior because I don't. What I have a problem with is the fact that it seems like Bobby and Susie feel it's necessary to try and make us feel like we are less...even if they are unaware that they do it.
Who gives a flying fart what kind of car you have or how much money you make? So what if you make more than us or your things are newer than ours? In the end, your life isn't measured nor is anyone really going to give a rat's behind about how big your computer is or that your kid learned how to crap in a toilet before mine.
Tthis is the kind of stuff we have been dealing with lately on what seems to be a regular basis. Petty, unimportant crap. And it's tiring feeling like this wonderful thing called life is being turned into a competitive sport...because, you know what?? I gladly forfeit because I'd much rather spend time raising my children, enjoying life, and creating a lasting legacy to leave behind when I'm no longer here than worrying about my every move and every possession being overshadowed. IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT!!
Things from kids & birthday parties to we buy something, they buy the same thing (only bigger or better), engagements, weddings. Are we supposed to feel like crap because we did it different? Sometimes they poke their heads into private matters or share private things of theirs that Aaron and I would rather not know about. In regards to sex, I'll admit that especially with two young kids in the house and working full time I'm so tired by the end of the day that sex is often really far from my mind. Making more of an effort is something I'm working on, but is it really up to you to dictate my sex life and tell me I should be having more or less sex? Last time I checked I didn't ask for an intervention from a self-proclaimed Oprah and Dr. Phil. Things like I'll write a proud Mommy moment on Facebook of my child's latest accomplishment because I'm so happy & proud for my kids. Instead of a simple "Congrats!" or "That's awesome!" which would be sufficient, it seems they go above and beyond by saying, "My kid is doing the same thing too.... and he/she has been doing it x amount of times over the last x amount of days/weeks AND he/she can also already tie his/her shoes and say his/her ABC's backwards!! Isn't that great? Oh, but that's awesome about your kid by the way...".
I'm overexaggerating just a bit for theatrics, but you get the idea. I'm all about celebrating accomplishments but there's a line between gracious pride and what I'd consider as close to snobbery. And again, I'm very happy with what I have. I've always grown up with good morals and worked hard to get the things I have and want, so when I do I feel a great sense of accomplishment. I like working hard and reaping the rewards... it makes them so much more important and you are more grateful in the end I think. You learn to love what you have and take nothing for granted. I've gotten to where I am with little financial help at all, but tons of emotional and sometimes physical support from the great family and friends I do have. I just hate having people crap on the accomplishments Aaron and I have made because they need to feel superior, whether unintentional or not. It in no way makes me feel less about what I have...at the end of the day I'm in love more and more with my family. Aaron and I are young and have plenty of time to accumulate things throughout our life. We are just starting out and that's fine by me.
All the other things, the material things...the house and the "things" and "stuff" to fill it with will come as needed and the whole reason that Aaron and I don't have a lot of "stuff" is because we don't need it to feel content with our lives. We cherish the things that come without a price tag...and those are the things that go with us and get passed on to our family when we leave this world. And that's worth more than anything.
Part of it, too, is that I don't understand it. Is it just us or are they like this with other people? If not, why just us? It's not like Aaron and I are rich financially. We live within our means and we make a modest living. We really don't have anything extravagant. I might understand the desire more if we lived in a huge house with a pool out back, a shiny new Lexus in the driveway, and a flat screen in every room. But we don't. We live paycheck to paycheck, and especially so in this economy. Nothing to be jealous or envious of... at least nothing tangible anyway. I think we are rich in other ways, but those are the things that you cannot see or touch...only feel. They can't be bought on clearance at Best Buy.
Don't get me wrong... I really do like Bobby and Susie.They can be really fun people and I'm glad that we are family and we enjoy spending time with them, but there's just some times where a little bit of them goes a long way. And it's not like they do this all the time. However, it feels like they do it A LOT. And maybe I'm making it into a bigger deal than it is or I'm interpreting it in a completely different way then how they mean it. They could be sincere, but it just doesn't come across that way. I'm happy for them in the things they do. I'm more than willing to share in their joy, but it would be nice for them to also share in ours, if they choose to, without strings attached. No additions. Just be happy and leave it at that. When the sometimes selfish, competitive, overbearing nature comes out I just need to take a step back and that's why I come to the semi-secrecy of my blog to throw my tantrum and scream rather than to their faces. We've talked to them about this "competition" before but it's unlikely to change anything. They do what they want when they want to, and don't care if it affects anyone else but them. So Aaron and I suck it up, put up our pretenses and go about it because we do cherish our family and the relationships we have, and well...they are family. All I can do is hope that with time things will get better and this will all be a moot point. Otherwise I think I might go crazy and pull out my hair... and then they'll just brag about how they have more hair than me.
Happy Monday.
P.S. Oh and please... pray for me if and as you feel led. I could use God's grace to help me find the delicate balance in this situation. I want to be able to handle this situation with grace and to learn to not be upset so much by the actions of others. Part of it is that I let it bother me, but really I don't want it to. I wish it was as easy as turning off a switch.
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