Falling off the bandwagon...

I've been MIA longer than I anticipated being, but work has just been absolutely crazy lately plus everyone in my house is currently sick except for me (knock on wood...). Jaxson turned 6 MONTHS old on the 5th and we took him for his 6 month checkup on the 6th. His stats are:

Weight: 16 lbs. 9 oz.
Length: 27 in.

He's catapulted in length but he's still small weight wise. I think they said he's around 30th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for length... Also, he's almost crawling. I guess you could sort of call it crawling, but it's still a bit of a stretch considering he's not actually moving forward on his hands and knees. He can get on his hands and knees, but when he actually starts to move he just slinks along on his belly. He does move though...he followed me halfway down the hallway the other day because he was afraid that I was leaving him all my himself! Also, we discovered at his 6 month appointment that he has his first tooth! FINALLY!!! And the top of the 2nd one is on its way to breaking through so he should have his front 2 bottom teeth soon. :) He's been really constipated lately and has had 3 major spells within the last month where he's gone almost a week without pooping. We couldn't figure out what it was. He's testing out soy formula to rule out lactose intolerance and we've been ordered to give him fruits and vegetables for fiber to keep him regular... I hope it works. We've tried everything else and they can't find anything "wrong" with him.

Jayden is doing well. He's had a rough week with being sick though. He had a 103 degree fever on Sunday night and then had a huge vomiting spell on Tuesday, but now other than a runny nose, fussy demeanor, and cough he's doing well. He's so smart and he's learning something new all the time. Especially his colors...he knows almost all of them! I can't believe his 2nd birthday is just around the corner...

We are going to get family pictures this weekend. Jaxson needs his 6 month pictures and since Halloween is just around the corner, we are doing those as well. I'll keep you posted and be sure to share as soon as we get them. :) We are also planning on going to Remlinger Farms to pick pumpkins and share in their Fall Festival. We took Jayden last year, but he was only 10 months old so I think he'll enjoy it a lot more this time. This will be Jaxson's first time and I'm sure he'll be taking it all in. He's such a curious and happy baby.

So, the title of this sums up how I've been feeling lately... Not with just failing to blog lately, but also with this "quest" of mine to create healthy habits and get my weight back on track. I was doing really good and then I just stopped. So, I guess it's time for me to pick myself back up and get back to it. I'm still making foods from my Deceptively Delicious book, but not as often as I'd like. I did make some good (and healthy!) tacos the other day though. :) I've put my weight back on so I need to lose like 30-35 pounds now. :( I'm going to try to start making time for myself twice a week to work out and have Aaron watch the kids. I'd like to try hot yoga with my friend Stephanie (she said that you can burn up to 1200 calories in one 90 minute session!!) and my new naturopathic doctor, Sunita, said it would be a great idea. I'm also going to try another book to help me curb my addictions to fatty foods and sugar called "The Flat Belly Diet". Although it's designed more to help you lose inches, you can also lose pounds as well. I just hate feeling so FAT and UNHEALTHY! I know my husband loves me just as I am, and I'm grateful for that, but I wish I could say that I love myself in the same way...and I don't. I know in comparison to others I'm in a lot better shape and I understand it can always be worse, but I'm not in my happy place and I'm not where I need to be. I make sure my kids eat healthy...why not myself? My will power has always been my biggest enemy. Once I get used to a new lifestyle and a new pattern it's not a big deal, but it's always the beginning that's so hard because I've got that little devil on my shoulder that says "It's okay...go ahead and have that cookie. Eat that pizza!" and then afterwards I feel so much regret and remorse and horrible self-esteem. I don't want to wear my "fat pants" anymore, I don't want to feel like I can rationalize my weight yo-yoing due to having a baby recently (and it's not even that recent...he's 6 months old!), and I want to feel great about myself inside and out. So my action items from this rant are:

1. Buy the "Flat Belly Diet" book and stick to their suggestions along with making more meals from my DD book.
2. Make time for myself 2x weekly to exercise whether it's hot yoga with Stephanie, swimming at my apartment, etc...
3. Start taking all the supplements and follow the guidelines suggested to me by Dr. Sunita
4. CURB MY CRAVINGS and boost my will power! This also means not just avoiding the fatty/sugary foods, but eating smaller portions as well.
5. Regular and honest updates on my blog (weekly with any luck) to help with my accountability. If I feel like I have to "report" on something, I feel a larger obligation to deliver results. No one likes to feel like they are the caboose at the back of the train (or be the size of one...) right?

I really need to stick to my guns. Having kids has made me horribly lax in taking care of myself and I don't want to be one of those fat, frumpy moms. I want to know that I can take care of myself at the same time as my kids. I'm still young and deep down I know I'm pretty, but I can't make myself believe that when I feel and think that I look like the Michelin Man right now. I just want my outside appearance to match my inner self and that continues to be one of my biggest struggles. If I feel better about myself, I'll feel much better about everything around me.

Wish me luck. It's time to dust off my jeans and get back on the bandwagon...